Private Eyes

Women ruin everything. For instance I was doing my routine day off errands today and popped in to Trader Joe's. Soon after walking in my eyes met with this bearded cashier. I was caught me off guard because I was in such a hurry and when he looked at me his eyes locked on to his target and they were very intense. Throughout my shopping he kept taking the time out from ringing people up to look over at me every time I came around the corner. I decided to take time to check him out in return. He was a nice looking guy. I tried to listen to him with his customers as I walked by and could tell he had a kind heart and a soft demeanor. He was wearing a short sleeve tee-shirt so I could tell he wasn't the most worked out guy but had a good solid build. Unfortunately he had some tattoos on each arm. Personally not my style but something I could over look for an actual date. This must be what my friends are telling me about. "Try meeting them in a normal way" when they insist that I will never find "the one" from online dating or bar hopping. I got nervous. I was nervous thinking about trying to strike up a conversation with him at checkout that may lead to me inviting him to dinner. I strategically pursued my shopping while eyeing the checkout lines and waiting for that opportunistic chance that his line might open up.

I became frustrated quickly as it turned out that he was apparently everyone's favorite cashier. Four lanes were open but people kept lining up in his. Finally there was light at the end of the tunnel and I made my move. He had only one person in his line and everyone else had two. He was halfway through ringing her up as I stepped in right behind. I thought for sure this plan was solid. He made some immediate eye contact that made me almost uncomfortable because now I was only steps away from him but I thought to myself "Don't back down, shoot him those piercing baby blues". I tried to meander a little mutual in return yet much to my dismay in my nervous fit of looking around acting as though I was aloof my eyes locked with the one cashier lady that motioned for me, "Sir, I can take you over here". Dammit!

I was so outraged but had to play this one off something cool as I made my way to her checkout line and made sure to let my shoulders seem sunken. When I reached her destination I sighed to let her know I was frustrated and the more thought I had given I became angrier and angrier. I saw multiple customers walking up right behind me and realized that timing was only seconds away from working out in my favor had I not made eye contact with her I was moments away from another pushy TJ's customer making their way to her line before me.

This cashier was also the same woman who had stood by while I waited in a line of four deep holding one of the heaviest baskets any of my visits to Trader Joe's had ever seen while only one cashier was on duty. It made me think of all the times I have been into that particular Trader Joe's and wondered why this seemed to be the only store that did not hop to when trying to get all customers serviced and checked out in a timely fashion.

I was outraged by the inconsistency in their level of service but realized how it might sound if I complained. While she was ringing up my items (and she was quick - as if she couldn't wait to get me the hell out of there) I took a moment to look back at my momentary crush of a cashier who was unsurprisingly staring right back at me from his eyes to mine. I figured "what the hell?" On my way out I would give it a go and say "Have a great day" in a neighborly fashion and at least see if this might muster a smile for confirmation of the flirtation that had just taken place.

Unfortunately when I walked by he was elbow deep into some soccer mother's shopping cart of weekly supplies and did not give me one last eye kiss on my departure of the grocery. I wish I had refused her offer to ring me up, "No thank you, I'm not interested." I could have told her that I didn't mind waiting and that my basket was heavy and I would just stay put. Maybe I will get another chance on a different visit but today's experience surely was not my victory.

Insults to Injuries

This time baby I'll be bulletproof. That's how I felt on my last visit home. Looking back its as if I have all these war wounds that have now made me the person I am today.

I'm nearing my three year anniversary in New England and each time I go home I am less and less tempted to ever move back. I miss my family and close friends, don't get me wrong. But the bible belt is intense. To call it a different way of life would belittle its varied array of misgivings. Morals, outlooks, and beliefs are held in such different regards. The underlying theme is Christianity. Okay. That's cool. I like that. But then it becomes something that you wear upon your sleeve. When I lived there and during my adolescence I thought, this is how you know that you believe because you are shouting from your rooftops all of your personal beliefs and putting your "personal" relationship with JC out there for everyone to see. This is what made it real.

So I thought.

This last homecoming trip something clicked. It was different. I met up with a few friends that I grew up with going to Church with and it was interesting that during both reunions within the first 5 minutes they had brought up church. Either mentioned their own church, referenced the church that we had grown up going to, or asked me if I had found a church yet. I realized that it had been nearly 2 and a half years since I had a conversation with someone (other than my parents) in which I was cornered about my involvement in the church. It seems like no one around here really brings up the topic on purpose, although every now and then it will come out. But it is only matter of fact. It is never in protest or to boost one's self-image. It is just a thing. Its not the ONLY thing either.

It is hard to tell how extreme the bible belt really is in comparison since there are so many of the catholic and jewish faith in this area.

It wasn't just this religious epiphany that made me not miss my hometown quite as much, it was a multitude of other instances that took place during the course of that weekend.

As mentioned before my Boston buddies had flown into town to meet me. We had made plans to attend the Beer, Bourbon, and BBQ fest for the second year in a row. Although this year we had brought along an additional Boston buddy and the weekend did not play out as one might have hoped. He was pushy and aggressive all weekend long. He fought back about every item that we had on our itinerary (or lack thereof). The originals had come to Charlotte to see my previous pathways. They were hoping to follow in some of my footsteps, see the things that I had grown up with and the places I had frequented. We definitely did not have on our radar wild nights out on the town in Charlotte, North Carolina. The new addition, however, did. He had conjured up this idea that going out on the town in Charlotte would be a fun excursion for all of us. He neglected the fact that two our of our four barely drank or went out and that two nights out on the town in a row in addition to a day of drinking at the beer and bourbon fest might have just knocked the wind out of them. He also paid no attention to the fact that the gay crowd in my hometown is one of the most miserable and pathetic bunch of a-holes and what that might feel like for me to have to spend more time around them than I would ever like to for the rest of my life. He was inconsiderate and rude. He has this way of making others feel bad when he is the one that wants to go against the grain. This trip really helped solidify for me things that I had felt brewing between us. No drama whatsoever, just an inkling that this guy was just not the type of friend I was hoping for in my collection of long term friends.

On our second night out I was miserable. My fault. I get it. I am the owner of my own destiny.

So I bumped into this guy Josh that I had been friends with in college. We had originally met on a date and I ended the date with a "we'd be better as just friends". We hung out often but it was always some sort of awkward. He might have had too much to drink and when dropping me off at my apartment would ask "should I come up?"

Dude. No.

So on our second nights' outing we bumped into Josh. We were at the bar that was formerly known by another name (As most ill-financially planned gay bars are) and I was already subject to the reminiscing of good times gone bad from my past immature misadventures in Gay Charlotte. I introduced him to my friends and in typical Charlotte Gay fashion he said hello to them with his hands. He touched their chests and he touched their arms saying "so nice to meet you". It was one of the most disgusting displays I have ever seen. I let it slide the first few times but then pestering Josh listened in to our conversation of where we might go to next. I made it a point to tell the boys not to let him in on our destination but much to my dismay Josh overheard us regardless. Sure enough he was at the next (and more than likely only other open gay bar on a Saturday night in Charlotte, North Carolina). I was standing with New Addition, One Original Boston Buddy and Josh when Josh began talking to New Addition with his hands again. He was commenting on New Additions tattoos or something like this grabbing onto his bicep along the way. I stepped back and said "You know, Josh, I'm sure [New Addition] would prefer if you wouldn't fondle him as you speak"

Josh took a moment to pause. Stepped back away from me and looked me up and down. Immediately I fell back in time to the days when I lived in Charlotte. I regressed and realized that I understood what was about to take place since I was highly educated on the primal rituals of the Charlotte Gay Male. I prepared myself and told him, "Go ahead Josh, look me up and down and figure out what you want to say about me," and he did...

"I thought you were all into fitness, but what are you pregnant?"

As soon as the words registered in my mind, without pause I stepped in to him. New Addition and Boston Buddy Original excused themselves silently as they understood what was about to transpire.

"You know what.
Josh.
I didn't say shit.
about you.
that was so ridiculously uncalled for.
whenI did
NOTHING to cut you down.
that's why I am glad to be done with this miserable town.
all that you miserable Charlotte fags want to do.
is cut one another down.
when what you should be doing is helping each other out.
(at this point Josh tried to put his hand on my shoulder, and started with "I'm sorry, I didn't mean...")
No. get your fucking hand off of me and get the fuck out of my face.
you charlotte fags can stay here being fucking rude to one another cause I'm done with you miserable assholes.

I left him speechless.

Id like to think that after 2 years of being in Massachusetts some of their flair for the dramatic has worn off on me. I know for sure that I would have never had the audacity to tell someone off that way before moving away from Charlotte. It felt good to call him out.

Thats how the gay "community" down there behaves. They either are caddy because of years of Designing Women reruns or they are all incestuously trampy with one another. Its as if they have only seen gay people in movies or TV shows and that is their only source for knowing how to act.

You would think in a place like the bible belt that as the strap gets tighter, loop by loop a small subculture like the Charlotte Gays might come up with a better strategy for sticking together rather than adding insults to injury (literally!).

Baby I'm a Star

As I mentioned before I am so frustrated and tired of yearning and waiting to be someone's sloppy seconds when I'd rather be their just desserts!

About a year ago I got a message from this guy Craig on one of my dating sites (we will refer to them as dating sites to make things easier for all of us). He messaged me and commented on how handsome he thought I was. I was in shock. He was the dreamboat that I had be thinking of since first realizing my boytraction from early on. Brown hair, brown eyes, he's italian but not guido. His smile alone could melt my heart. He is a total smoke show to say the least.

So we emailed back and forth for a bit. We even became friends on Facebook. I usually don't like to do things this way because more often than not once you see a guys facebook it is all down hill from there. Not the case for Craig. I enjoyed his posts. I found them to be witty and insightful. We had the same "likes" and "dislikes". Attraction was confirmed.

and then...

Craig ***** updated his status to "In a Relationship"

He started seeing someone. This was before he and I had met in person. Before you knew it his facebook was overloaded in pictures of THEM together. We met online in November so of course his pictures were holiday themed. THEM at a tacky sweater party, THEM at a black tie dinner, and THEM getting on my very last nerve. These were the dates that Me and Craig were supposed to be going on TOGETHER. I deleted his 'friendship' without hesitation. This was evil and I wanted no part. I moved on and pushed him way out of my mind. The biggest part that had bothered me was that it had been him that first approached me which is rarely ever the case. The only guys that approach me first are either of the following three if not a combination of two or more; fat, old, ugly. He was none of these.

A few months passed and low and behold I see him back on the same website that we had met before. I emailed him. We connected. I asked if he was single and he admitted that his BF had cheated, so they broke up.

I couldn't help but to feel vindicated. I don't like this feeling, but I felt vindicated he had dated this guy instead of trying me out for size and this little asshole cheated on him. Craig is sweet, handsome...I just don't get why someone would cheat on him, but I did have a thought of "that's what you get, fool!"

That is what you get for not chancing it with me. His dating profile states that he is looking for guys that "DO NOT PLAY GAMES". I am anything but that. After our initial email reunion I asked him to go to dinner. He put me off. Busy this week, how about the next? This went on for two weeks because typically for guys like this I can only allot a two week notice. I give strangers that I meet from online a two week window to book the first date and after that I completely lose interest. Call it my pride, call it self-worth, but take a picture sweetie, cause I ain't got time to waste!

You might not know it now, but baby you'll find out...

August 12th

"If you are still available and are interested I would love to get together sometime after August 12th". That's what this kid said to me after we haven't seen or spoken to one another in who knows how long. I thought it was odd. "Uh, okay," I said uneasily, "what happens after August 12th?" I figured he would admit to being a shit. I also assumed that this was somehow or another the official date that he would be done with his boyfriend.

Let me back peddle a bit here. See, it is not that he actually HAS/HAD a boyfriend of sorts. When we first met he told me that he had "Someone". When asked he did not admit to this person being a boyfriend. He even admitted to there not being a future there but insisted that I "understand his situation". Um, No. If you want me you want me. Moving on...

You could call him a "Missed Connection" success story, or then again I guess you could not. That is how we met. We both checked each other out at the gym. Both of us were too chicken shit to speak to one another (well...I take it back. I said goodbye to him as he left the gym but then he coward with his tail between the legs when he mumbled goodbye in return). He posted the missed connection and much to your UNsurprise I had been checking the site religiously after I got home. I just KNEW that night was MY night and sure enough he posted. I replied. He replied. I replied again. "Wow that was fast," he mentioned. We admitted to having a mutual interest. We could not decide who's was stronger, and yes, we even argued.

We decided to meet for dinner that night, after finishing our separate workouts. We had, what I would normally refer to as, a GREAT FIRST DATE. We had the same interests for the most part. The things he said that got on my nerves were things that I would stomach for at least a second or even third date.

But then it got awkward.

Even though I had NEVER seen this guy at the gym before, OF COURSE now I saw him every night of the week. On our first date I had been aggressive in trying to book the second date. I'm a firm believer in "Act now, or forever sit at home alone". He said that he had a prior engagement and would not be able to make it but come Friday night he was at the gym with his workout partner. I tried to hurry through my workout and when he stopped me for chit chatter I tried backing out. Then he came and found me in the remote part of the gym where I was finishing up. "If you aren't doing anything after..." He invited me to grab a burrito next door and then much to my dismay invited along his (what I later came to know as Chatty Kathy) workout partner. He did not stop talking the entire time and gave me and this guy NO TIME to get to know one another. This was pretty much the last time that we saw one another outside of the gym. Since then there have been random texts.

I think it is incredibly obnoxious that I have to wait for everybody else to make up their minds. I have to wait for people to decide that they would actually give me a shot (after the other guy falls through). Well I will tell you this much fellas...I'm not gettin any younger, and I sure as shit ain't gonna sit on my ass and wait for boys who play with toys. Instead I'll be looking for the man with the plan!

You can take August 12th and go shove it up your pie hole.

Fizzy Lifting Drinks

Hold your breath,
Make a wish,
Count to three...

I feel as though yesterday I was a just a child sitting in our recreation room watching Willy Wonka and the Chocolate Factory on a television that was built into a box of wood. The knobs on the set pulled out and turned to adjust the picture and every movie began by declaring that it was filmed in "Technicolor". When I was 8 years old it seemed like I had my whole world ahead of me and anything was and would be "possible".

Twenty years later reality has set in and bitch-slapped me across the face with its backhand. It is a harsh and cold truth when you wake up and realize that more than likely it will take you much longer than you had originally anticipated to accomplish what you originally had dreamt of being possible. When it is all said and done, most of us will be considered lucky if we manage to accomplish half of what it is we had dreamt of when we were younger. Things like "becoming a "firefighter", or a "veterinarian" were much easier said than they are done. Did we even know what these things were? I guess we had these dreams of rescuing children and cats from burning houses and really tall trees. The hopes of becoming a veterinarian must have overlooked the sadness of putting other people's beloved family pets to sleep and taking away actual members of their family. The motives were right: help others, be kind to women and children, take care of animals; but reality told us that we needed to actually make some money.

The closer to 30 that I get I am realizing that most (if not all) of what I had hoped to accomplish is incomplete and barely even started. Write a book. Own a business. Be in better shape. These things are just barely on my radar as we speak.

At 25 I thought that on my thirtieth birthday I would like to hire a photographer to do a self portrait photo shoot because I had hoped to be in the best shape of my life. No nude pictures or anything like that and not even pictures with my shirt off. Just something to commemorate what I would plan on being a great time in my life. Now, one and a half years away from 30 I feel as though I am in the worst shape of my life and currently hate the way I look in MOST pictures. So much for that idea.

While making my way towards becoming an adult I have never quite learned how to put any sort of money aside. I signed up for keep the change with BOA and yet I seem to have a habit of logging in every couple of days and transferring that money to my checking account in order to prevent any overdraft possibilities. I set a recurring draft of $30 to my savings account every pay day and yet I also seem to wait until the last minute to transfer that over pre-overdraft also. I have no savings. I have a small amount of credit card debt. I have just a little bit more to go on paying off my car. For the most part I life pay check to pay check and can't help but wonder "Am I an adult yet?"

Slowly inching my way towards 30, which is my new milestone age after surpassing "25" and "28" I am scared. I feel like Charlie when he and grandpa Joe drank fizzy lifting drinks and were inching closer and closer to the ominous fan blades that were anxiously anticipating their demise. "Grandpa look at me...I'm a bird, I'm a plane, I'm...I'm...I'm going too high!"

Getting older is really scary. It is odd to me that at 28 years of age I have two roommates (one 22 and one 24). At times I feel like their grandfather. Mentally I don't feel 28 and I definitely don't feel "almost 30". I don't know where this time went. The main time I do feel my age is when I go out to dinner with a friend and begin our night being optimistic for a night out on the town but then when dinner is over around 10PM my bed sounds like the best idea I have ever had. I can't believe I have reached a point in my life where I am absolutely content with staying home on a friday night and fully satisfied to be in bed by 11PM on a Saturday; EVEN when I have Sunday off!

It would be nice to reconnect with that childhood innocence that I once had. That time when dreams were never too big, and achieving your goals had no boundaries or limitations and anything was possible.

There is no life I know to compare to pure imagination.

Little Miss Connection

I couldn't tell you which I think is more pathetic. Between my personal commitment to find a missed connection on Craigslist that has been posted about me or the lackluster posts themselves. People are dying to connect out there. Whatever happened to our guts and guile? Better yet...where did our balls go?

I know I can speak for myself that in my adolescence I was one of those people that pretty much threw themselves at the people that I had my eye on. I wouldn't say necessarily that I regret that behavior, but I can tell you for certain that it did not get me very far. Nonetheless it was fun.

i just got home from the gym. There was a cute younger guy (by younger, I mean closer to my own age than who typically checks me out at the gym). As soon as I walked by him doing lat pull downs his eyes were locked on me in the reflection on the mirror. I continued toward the locker room a bit confused because he was really cute. Then the analyzation began. How gay could he be? He has nice arms but a little softer in the midsection (then again, same as me). He had that cute puppy dog look that most younger gay guys have, but then again, maybe just another artsy Tufts student (they seem to run rampant in my neighborhood with their skinny jeans, tattoos, and handmade lesbian coffee ((see Diesel Cafe)). I couldn't tell.

I began my work out close by him. In order to do so I skipped any sort of a warmup and in turn I think I pulled two muscles. One in my shoulder, and one in my foot. All in a days flirtation.

He kept locking eyes with me and it wasn't just because I was staring back at him. The eye contact remained but there were no flirtatious smirks, no smiles of homosexual nature. I really was having a hard time reading this guy.

He continued looking me up and down through his and my workout. So much so that he awkwardly walked back into the locker room after passing me on my way in, while he was on his way out.

It made me think about missed connections. I was anxious to get home to check out craigslist and see if by some small chance he had posted. Then I realized that Craigslist takes forever and that if he had rushed home like a loser and posted right away then it would probably not register for a few hours regardless. I thought it was dumb. I mean granted, I am making something out of nothing, since he has not posted (hopefully, YET) and yet it made me think of all the other posts I have read on there. "You were working on arms at the gym today, you wore orange shorts, tell me what color mine were" I mean come on guys. Can't we grow a bigger set than this?

I have to say, if this was a post that involved me I wouldn't remember what color shorts I was wearing myself let alone what anybody else at the gym was wearing. I don't know about you, but when I am physically attracted to some one "fully clothed" is not how I choose to remember.

I just think of how much easier it would be if we turned up the flirtation knob a bit. I mean he was OBVIOUSLY checking me out. I would not have noticed him had he not began the flirtatious eye dance. When it is all said and done it makes me think that if someone doesn't have the courage to be the first to make a move in person then maybe they aren't worth pursuing at all.

Let it be known some connections are worth being missed...

Geese that Lay Gold Eggs for Easter

Man. It has been one long ride since moving here over two years ago! I can't believe that much time has passed. Moreover I can't believe how much I have learned and grown since being here. This was seriously one of the best moves/decisions I could have ever made.

Six months before making the move to Boston I moved out of my parents house. I lived in a one bedroom (with den) apartment over 1,000 square feet and I lived alone. It was too good to be true. For Charlotte it was quite attainable. It just seems like that idea is out the window for as long as I should live in Massachusetts.

I currently have two roommates. One is moving out but another is moving in to take her place. This will be the 6th non-family person that I have shared a household with. It is what it is. When its good it can be really good. Yet, when its bad...well, you don't want to know...

This rat race for my adulthood independence seems as though it will never end. I mean, I know I'm only 28 years old but seriously, just like Veruca Salt declared "I WANT IT NOW!"

I am trying to force myself to be a little more dedicated to working on my book and I am writing a musical. These things can take years to finally wrap up and then who knows how long before publishing or production and actually seeing any profit from my work. But I guess that is what life is all about. You put all this work and effort into your day to day process only to reap smaller benefits in the beginning because of the anticipation of your payoff.

I am also trying to commit to more physical fitness. Before I left Charlotte I was in a pretty good routine and in some of the best shape I have ever been. I am slowly getting back to a point of satisfaction with my own body and it feels really good, especially since Summer is right around the corner.

I have a homecoming trip in the next few weeks and I am really looking forward to it. My Boston buddies are flying into town to meet up with me in an attempt to make Mother's day and the Beer and Bourbon festival an Annual occurrence. I can't wait. They LOVE LOVE LOVE Charlotte and make me see things in different ways when I venture home. It is always fun showing new people your old places. They definitely can make you appreciate things a little differently. In usual fashion I am giving myself a party. Not really as myself being the center of attention but just a reason for people to come and say hello before the boys get to town. Celebrating Cinco De Mayo and don't think there is a better reason to celebrate other than by way of Margaritas and Coronas with cilantro lime tacos. Mucho Gusto!

I know that the best things in life are free, and even if I did want to give them to the birds and bees. I will just have to wait (even if impatiently) to reap the rewards of the efforts I have put forth.

But in the meantime...where is my damn Golden Goose!!!

Spring Has Sprung

OMG in full effect. To say that spring has sprung is by far an understatement. Judging from my trek home yesterday alone the boys have caught wind of a heavy and high spring fever! I stopped at the gym first and was checked out by two VERY handsome guys although they seemed to be a couple which was a bit disheartening but a compliment nonetheless.

While waiting to take the redline home from Central to Davis another guy waiting was scoping me out. It was one of those awkward checkouts though where you couldn't obviously tell whether or not he was or was not. It messes with your nerves because you know not whether to send out the vibes or to not make eye contact because he could either give you his number or decide to knife you for your wallet.

We sat across from one another on the train and I was about to give up when he got off at Harvard but when he stood to leave he looked directly at me and offered "Have a good night" with a nod and a wink.

I hurried out of the Davis square station in an effort to make it to Chipotle for a late dinner seeing as how it was 9:55 and they closed at 10PM. "Please be open, Please be open, please don't have put away all of your delicious ingredients" I thought to myself as I scurried in and out of the crowd inside the station. I made it just in time.

With burrito in hand I made my way home. I passed another handsome man that was also in a hurried effort. He glanced over at me and caught me mid-check out. I smiled and looked away, embarrassed (almost, but not really). He double took me himself and smiled back. We both continued checking each other out and I laughed out loud with flirtational intent. I shook my head. Not at him but more at myself. I find myself funny. It happens often. Whether you agree or not. I am a whole heap of laughs. You should be so lucky as to be a fly on the wall of my life.

Anyway. He kept doubling back to look at me as he crossed the street. He almost got hit by a Masshole but hey, that's what happens when the spring has sprung.

Somebody to Love

Don't you want somebody to love? We all do. For the most part. I am starting to think maybe I am not capable of pursuing this. It is a possibility. I dated this guy for "a while" three weeks or so. Yeah, I know that is not a long time but it REALLY does not take me long to a) lose my attention and/or b) realize that nothing will come of it. This is a curse/gift that I have had since i first started dating.

I call it the "One Month Itch" because typically this is how long most if not all of the guys I have ever dated have lasted. This is what I refer to as a "long-term relationship" otherwise known to the gay community by website standard as an "LTR".

This last guy was a bit different. Things got kind of intense, kind of fast, because of very serious topics that were discussed in the preliminary stages of the getting-to-know-you process. I had very strong feelings for him but as many of my closest friends know I tend to let my mind wander and I think WAY too much about the what ever will bes, will bes and include all of the mights and maybes. It is dumb.

I picture these guys in the snapshots of my future. What do our Sunday mornings look like? What will we do on Christmas day? What will he look like when he shakes hands with my father? Will he take good care of my mother as if she were his own? What would he look like if he was holding one of my precious and adorable nieces?

Like I said, I give it way too much thought.

So I am over it.

I think that most people out there don't really think before they leap when it comes to the dating game. They just fly by the seat of their pants. Or. In most gay cases by the front of their pants. Either way. I am not that kind.

I talk to my friends. I talk to strangers. I meet people here and there and I realize. That we all just want somebody (something) to love. It is interesting to me to know people in real life and then you come across their dating profiles. You get to see their inner workings and whatnots and realize that they aren't so coldhearted and bitter afterall. The most handsome of men are still struggling to prove to the singles world that they are a catch. One guy I know has a headline that reads "NICE SEXY GUY HERE did I mention FUNNY?" That is the title of his profile. I find it interesting that he lowercased the words in between the materialistic description and that of the characteristic one. Its like he subconsciously separated the two in an attempt to make sure that people got the important parts of it "NICE SEXY" and "FUNNY".

As it turns out we are all just a bunch of pathetic losers sitting at home all alone on a Friday or Saturday night. We wish we had someone that would make us feel slightly guilty for eating an entire pizza or feel greedy for woofing down half (or a whole) carton of ice cream. Who knows if I will ever find someone with the stamina to keep my mind guessing what is next to come and make me want to wait long enough just to find out.

This most recent guy made me realize that I AM quite happy being on my own and if that is the consequence to being with someone that makes me feel less than my most best then I will take it.

Can anybody find me somebody to love?

Melt

I don't think I like the word "melt" very much. It doesn't sound that great and it is almost as bad as "yeast" or "conjunctivitis". That is, I mean, as far as words go. I really don't like it. I also do not use this word on an ongoing basis and I doubt that many people out there choose to utilize it in everyday jargon either.

Yet on my most recent Facebook status update I posted this: "the rain would make me melt away so I will take a pass on this 5K". I was referring to the race that took place in my neighborhood yesterday. It was a simple and stupid post. But today when I got in to work I found an email from my long time customer crush asking, "What happened to you yesterday? Apparently you melt in the rain?"

This could not have been an ordinary coincidence could it? Are there really people out there that use the word "melt"? A friend at work commented on it saying, "Ah, your people are always using any old excuse to reference that Wizard of Oz shit". I thought it was hilarious but somewhat of an awkward musing. I don't even like Judy Garland. She is responsible for Liza Minelli.

I thought that surely he must have checked out my facebook profile in the meantime to find out that I did not run in the race. We emailed back and forth for a while and then I wrote back and asked "you must have seen on facebook that I did not run in the race?"

He said that he looked on the results postings and did not see my name listed.

This was a bit upsetting but then even still he noted that over 3,000 people ran in the race. Even though he did not stalk me out on facebook, he took the time to scan a list of 3,000 people looking for my name.

I don't know. This is a tough call. It is getting to be a bit much. I mean, a full twenty four hours went by and he could not wait to email and ask why he did not see me at the race.

It was raining really hard, I will have all you readers know. I have not done a 5K in quite some time and I had gone out for (not that many) drinks the night before so I wasn't feeling at my best. I had this feeling that if I ran in the rain (and it was cold and windy too) that I would get a cold. The weather has a way of messing with my system. So I bailed. BUT! I will have you know, that my friend called me first and he did not seem up for it either. We both agreed to back out. Then two other friends backed out and said that their friend was backing out also. This is four people BESIDES me that backed out of this race. If 3,000 others still ran in it then I can only imagine how many would have done it if it was not raining on that day.

I had mapped out this entire plan for race day. I was looking forward to not only challenging myself but also excited to see my crush in a context outside the realm of my work environment. Plus, leading up to the race he had offered to buy me a beer if the bars were not open bar as he had mentioned (which was pretty much a signing bonus for me to register for the race in the first place). So I missed out.

The back and forth emails followed suit today but then of course once things got to a certain point the emails ceased to continue. It was after I wrote and asked about facebook. Then I responded and said "That is so random. My facebook said that I would melt if I ran in the race." That is the one that I did not get a response to. We do this all the time. We emailed back and forth about 4 or 5 times today. All within 3-4 hours of each other.

Then it just stopped.

What am I to make of this?

IN OTHER NEWS...

In the meantime I am somewhat dating this guy that is a really great guy. For the last few weeks we have spent most of my free time together. But I have since grown tired of him all of the sudden. It is what I like to call the "One Month Itch". I get it every time. I start dating someone and then within a month's time my attention deficit rears its ugly head and I am over it completely. This guy is really sweet and he is almost everything I have ever thought I might want in a mate. I know that I don't have to decide right now what is to come of the two of us together but it is hard not for me to think of the long term and what the future may or may not hold, or more importantly what I would like the future to resemble.

Am I destined to be single for the rest of my life or will this one month itch slowly fade away?

Maybe I should just invest in a topical analgesic.

Danke Schoen

As you may have already known. I have a sort of crush. It is on a customer of mine that keeps coming in to shop with me on a regular basis. This is not like any other customer that I have had. There is something quite different. We email back and forth. These emails include witty banter and verge on flirtation.

I still have not received SOLID confirmation that he is of the homosexual nature. I am pretty confident that there is something more there than meets the eye and I have been working on this situation to say the least.

It is hard because I think that when it is all said and done that we are both awful flirts when it comes to flirting with someone that we would or could actually care for. Either that or he is still in the closet. Which would suck because I have NO TIME for a charity case.

So here is how the weeks events began...

On Friday I got an email from him saying he would be in on Saturday or Monday. Of course this meant that on Saturday I kept an eye out for him all day long and he never showed. So when Monday morning rolled around I was excited to head to work because I knew that if he had not made it Saturday that today would be the day that he would grace me with his presence. Not so. He was a no show on Monday and my heart sank about three different spots. I figured I would give him some time, and then shoot an email to him to follow up and see what had happened. This is typical behavior of the email kind for us.

But when I arrived at work this afternoon I had one waiting in my inbox from him saying that he would be coming in this afternoon.

Now before I proceed let me just say that on Monday another pair of customers/friends had stopped by. A couple that I am friends with that I have looped in to my dating woes and dilemmas. I had mentioned this guy to them in the past and when they mentioned this upcoming race in Davis sq. I hopped at the opportunity for more reasons than one. First of all I have been wanting some race type goal to work towards to help motivate my fat ass up off of the couch and stick it to the cardio at the ol' gym routine. And in addition to this I figured that more than likely he would be there. I didn't realize it until I had already told them I would love to do it. They were excited for me and we plotted out all the great possibilities that could come of "bumping into" one another at this event.

So when he showed up today I mentioned the race to him. We talked about his trip to Costa Rica and he told me about how fun this race would be. He mentioned that although it is a real 5 K and everyone does compete that afterwards everyone crowds the bars of Davis Sq because if you have registered for the race then you get to drink for free. At one bar in particular he said upon entry when the race is finished they line the bar with cups filled with beer and you just go up and take one after the other. It that isn't enough incentive to run a damn race then I don't know what else it would take! Other than this Crush of mine being at the finish line with a beer in his hand!

As we finished our time together I mentioned, "Well, If I don't see you before then maybe I will see you at the race!" He added, "You should definitely do it," and I told him that if there was an open bar at the end of it then it would definitely be worth checking out. He thought about it and then added, "Well...If there isn't...pause...then I will buy you a beer, how about that?"

I can't help but think I am reading in to all of this entirely too much yet today's interaction made me feel like we made some real progress. I am trying to be patient with this and every other situation in my life.

This week I am feeling really good about everything. This interaction with my crush was icing on the cake to what has started off to be an incredible week. This morning at Starbucks I had the courage to ask that barista about her friend.

This is how it went down. She was at the end of the bar and we were talking and catching up. As we paused in between topics I started, "So, its Elizabeth, right?"

E. "Yeah, tell me your name again,"

J. "Justin,"

E. "Well, I am not going to forget it again,"

J. "Well you should remember my name, FAME,"

E. Laughs. "Exactly! I will definitely not forget it now,"

J. "So I have to ask you, and I feel totally hokey doing so; A few weeks ago there was a guy here, reading a book, and you joined him."

E. Thinking "Yeah...pause...Oh, yeah" as she remembered, "That was Ryan"

J. "Oh okay, Ryan...pause...yeah...pause...Ryan is cute"

E. Smirking and nodding, "Yeah, Ryan is cute, he is dating my roommate."

J. "Ryan is dating your roommate that doesn't do the dishes?"

I wanted to tell her that I do the dishes but my roommate Katie was standing right beside me (Part of the reason I had the courage to confront her) and I know she would have put me on blast cause I ain't never up in the kitchen doin' no dishes.

We continued the banter, which at that point was obsolete. She said that they were a cute couple, and I lied and said I was happy for them. She told me she would let me know if anything changed.

I held off on telling her that Ryan's eye wanders. I held off on voicing my opinion that it will be over soon and I would like to be next in line.

Katie comforted me saying that apparently there is a John Mayer song that indicates that I only have to wait until St. Patrick's Day and that is the national breakup time or something. Whatever. I can get into that. But hey, I tried. It is half the battle. Oh, wait, that is "knowing", knowing is half the battle, not trying. Well anyway, I tried. And I felt like I had halfway completed a battle. So there.

Its just like Ferris Bueller says,

Thanks You for the words of wisdom Ferris Bueller

RuBucks

I have been to Starbucks every day since the Friday that I saw that guy there. I am obsessed. I have looked for him and I have looked for that particular Barista and neither of them have been there until today. The barista was there this morning. I had thought at first that I would initially need to establish her name once more. I have gotten it from her before but it was one of those in passing type situations where I had not intended on ever needing to recall it. So today I caught her at the register with another girl speaking her own name in third person.

"Elizabeth is always expected to do the dishes, but Elizabeth actually hates to do them". She was talking about her living arrangement with her roommates and I laughed and chimed in. I mentioned that I had the same situation and I said, you should tell Elizabeth that she has the choice not to do them. Then she admitting to being Elizabeth herself. Okay, name; Check. I thought this much was taken care of, now I just have to muster up the balls to ask about her friend in question from the Friday before.

Not so easily done as the line began to grow and the anxious decaffeinated fiends awaited for the baristas to orchestrate their caffeination.

I became quite nervous and walked over towards the window where I began to settle down. I folded my sweater atop of my chosen barstool, and I placed my cap and scarf along side my latte and cell phone. On my way to fetch my food order and a straw I met her at the end of the bar area where we continued our roommate conversation, laughing along the way. This was the perfect opportunity for me to say, "Oh, is that guy you were here with the other day one of your roommates?" but I did not. I clammed up. What has happened to me? Where is that boy that once never cared about what ANYONE thought?

Then I made my way over to my spot where Elizabeth and my paths crossed once more as she made her way to clean the windows. I ducked my head and continued towards my spot. I sat and enjoyed my coffee and within 10 minutes she was making her way around the store with a tray of cupcake samples asking each individual customer if they would like to try. I declined. This was now my fourth opportunity to initiate the "I like your friend" conversation and yet I failed once more to rise to the occasion.

It was the most conversation and interaction I have ever had with her since walking in to Starbucks in Davis Square. It kills me that I could not have planned it any more strategically and yet I avoided the "master plan" at all costs.

I am so scared. And of what? That is what one of my friends told me. What do you have to lose? NOTHING. So why can't I rise to the occasion?

Then I think about things that are important to me like taking care of my career and my finances before worrying about things like finding some date to go on. I think about getting myself in shape physically, financially and emotionally before even making attempts to find someone else to share myself with.

It is important to do so. Every time I get caught up in the search I always come back to something that RuPaul has always been known (at least, in my mind) for saying and believing in, and it is this; "If you can't love yourself, how in the hell are you gonna love anybody else?"

Can I get an Amen?

Brass in Pocket

It's time to use my side-step and make you notice. I have this nagging fear of missing out. I fear missing out on great things that could be but would never happen unless someone takes this life by the balls and gives one big tug. I am scared of missing out on knowing what would have happened and this fear eats away at my thoughts unless I act. In lieu of this. I act out a lot. If you know me you understand what I am talking about. I take chances. I put myself out there. I live life loud, proud, and usually in the middle of a crowd.

In the last few months/years or whatever I have really tamed myself down. I guess because no matter how happy or sad we are we are always seeking ways to do things differently. We are always trying to see if maybe we act a certain way or just change one or two things that maybe this will be what brings about the changes we have been longing and hoping for in order to be fulfilled completely.

Most of the time these slight changes are unnecessary and miniscule compared to how much more happy we are with ourselves when we continue to be the person that has always made us so happy.

This morning a very handsome young gentleman caught my eye when I took my seat at Starbucks. I had to do a double take because he was attractive, and yet he was the one that seemed to be entranced by me. He held his gaze a few minutes longer than necessary and it became very apparent by way of slight smirks and quick glances away when caught staring that he was certainly interested in what I had to offer. I couldn't stop looking at him. I was trying to prove to myself that maybe he was not really that attractive. Maybe he was like secretly fat. You know. When a guy is sitting down and you can't tell then he stands up and it all falls out of the sides of his sweater. Nothing against a fatty but I am not a big fan of surprises. I was trying to watch to see if maybe he had an annoying laugh; maybe an uncontrollable lip spasm; or gross teeth. He turned out to be twice as cute when he laughed, and his smile could be deemed with that of Colgate esteem.

I kept thinking that I might grow a set and intro-seduce myself on the way out. Shake hands. Smile too much. Exchange numbers. By the time I had mustered up this effort a girl had come to join. It turned out to be my favorite Barista. She always makes extra efforts to take care of me. For instance just this morning she added an extra shot of espresso without charging me. We joked about it. Worst case scenario she is my backup plan.

You know I have been on Craigslist "Missed Connections" all day trying to act like any normal guy that I would be willing to date would actually post on there. It is probably best that he doesn't and that we find each other in other ways possible. I keep hoping that I bump into him at the gym later on today and that Davis turns out to be as small as I am hoping that it can be.

While staring flirtatiously back and forth at one another I reminisced about all the times I have put myself forward and made the first move. I'm tired of it. It gets exhausting and I feel like I get perceived as being too forward and too anxious. All the while I feel like if there is no result of an hour and a half of glances exchanged then it was a wasted effort.

Its time for me to get back to the basics of what made me who I am today. No more pussyfooting around the matter. Twenty-ten is the year of living out loud. Watch out world here comes Mr. Loud, Proud and Middle of the Crowd. Call me Mr. Flintstone cause I can make your bed rock.

Trip my Shit

Gay people are so ridiculous. Tonight I took a newcomer out and about on the town. We started at this great mexican restaurant and from there who knows where things may or may not have gone array. After dinner I realized that we were in Boston's local gay neighborhood and for a lack of better understanding about the hip and urban places to take a heterosexual newcomer in this town I took my away-from-home visitor to the only place I knew of which, of course, was a gay bar. Club Cafe to be exact. It is a restaurant in the front, bar in the middle, and a "dance club" in the back. We use the term "dance club" loosely because no one really dances back there. They just sway from side to side.

Things I found interesting tonight included watching as the gay sea parted to worship the Lady Gaga on the television monitor. As soon as they heard the opening notes to "Bad Romance," the dancefloor split in half with a full four feet of space between the gays and the Gaga. They stared in awe of her uniqueness with mouths gaping, some mouthing out the words. My newcomer friend was shocked to find, "what are they doing," she asked in concern. I let her know that they were praying to their Gaga. They were throwing their hands up across their hearts and towards foreheads, in cross-like formation. They were praising the Lady Gaga and it was one of the most ridiculous scenes I had ever beheld. That is, until, I saw Beyonce take the stage at the previous years' American Music Awards and performing "Single Ladies" all the fags hearts skipped a beat. Hips were jiggling, hands were up in the air; and all you could hear was the feint mumblings of the "Uh-oh-ohs" that did not want to be uttered by the butchest of the fagcrowds.

What a ridiculous bunch of folk that I myself by default am betrothed to. Why must I even be associated with this motley crew of fagfolk. I don't get it. What is it about this culture that makes us act so absolutely ridiculous? Are we destined for failure? That is how it must seem. to me and the rest of us, when our heads are so far in the clouds that we cannot asses an accurate game plan for tackling the Human Rights Campagin.

Needless to say,

If you liked it then you should have put a ring on it!

Perpetually Single

A close friend of mine used this to describe me recently. I know (or at least, don't think) that he meant it as words meant to hurt but they did. It was like stating a fact that I don't enjoy acknowledging.

We were talking about jobs. We both work in retail. He mentioned that the hours required of our work really gets to him and that it had worked for me because I am "perpetually single". I guess it made me angry because work is tough for me right now. I am working on liking it better by making a few changes here and there. But it is hard to agree or own up to a title of "perpetually single", when it is not one that I have chosen for myself. Its not like I am so committed to my work that I stay away from dating.

I am WIDE OPEN to dating. I am perpetually single because I'm not going to settle down with someone out of comfort or convenience. Life is too short to waste with one worthless person.

Why should I keep dating someone that I am not physically attracted to? If someone says that they don't believe God exists why would I continue to date them? Why would I want to bother dating someone that tells me upfront that they do not believe in monogamy? To me, this belief is so far fetched I cannot even fathom the validity of such a thought.

I've kicked TwentyTen off with a bang by going on more dates in the month of January than I had all year long in 2009. Just cause they were first dates, and will not be second dates doesn't mean that I am meant to be "perpetually single".

What a ridiculous thing to say. It made me so angry. It made me angry because I have made changes in my life and taken chances in order to bring about that change. I have changed surroundings. I have changed behaviors. I have bettered myself as an end result. I'm becoming more and more happy with the person that I am every day, and I can't let an asshole call me "perpetually single" indicating that it is me, and not them.

What a crock of shit.

Bug-a-Boo

I've been downloading music from my high school years. I posted something about it on my class Facebook page, which really got the ball rolling. Asking people to post their favorite songs and or memories from high school.

When I look back I realize that there were a LOT of dumb songs from our day. It was the age of the boy band and the pop princess. Britney and Justin had barely started dating one another. This represented the downfall of it all. 98 degrees, Backstreet Boys, Jessica Simpson, Mandy Moore, Christina Aguilera...and not to mention that Destiny's Child was in its PRIME! That much I KNOW is true!

I pretty much downloaded the entire "Writing's on the wall" album because it reminds me so much of high school. I would listen to the entire album from start to finish. I remember that I had bought it mainly for "Bills, Bills, Bills" and "Bug-a-boo". On a weekend trip to visit the East Carolina Campus (keep in mind if was Halloween weekend) I went on the trip with Candace, Paige, and this girl that I was not that acquainted with at the time, Jill.

It was quite a weekend.

An Angry boyfriend punched a whole through the wall of our hotel room. I drove as DD since at the time I did not drink, and at various points in the night was asked to pull over to the side of the road because Jill was planning on MAKING herself throw up, because she said that once she did she would feel much better. Throughout the entire weekend Paige became very frustrated with my attention deficit in regards to what music was on the radio. She would smack my hand and command that I leave the CD on the track and just listen. This forced me to hear the entire Destiny's Child album and in turn, it is one of my all time favorite albums of all time.

That album, along with Lil'Kim's Hardcore Album always remind me of that weekend at East Carolina. Those girls opened my eyes up to a whole other world. Who's to say whether it was good or bad, but I wouldn't have traded that experience for anything. That was the start of a long lasting friendship between me, Candace, and Paige.

I had never had friends that I felt like really stood up for me before then and after meeting these girls everything was different. I always liked the idea of having a harem of women to protect me. I'm confident enough in my manhood to say so. I liked the idea cause of crazy weird Japanese movies I had seen before, where these big amazon women were bodyguards and stuff. So anyway. To have some tough girls that were confident be willing to cuss someone out because they were talking shit about me or trying to question my sexuality was a really nice ideal.

It was never an issue of whether I was or wasn't. It was just the fact that I belonged to them. I was their friend. Like a brother, and nobody else would be able to challenge that.

It was a lot of fun.

Hip to be Square

Davis Square is one of the most wonderful places on earth. I am growing to love it more and more every day that I have that I get a chance to spend galavanting around. Today was a wonderful day off. It was relaxing but I didn't just lay around. I got a few things accomplished in the meanwhile.

I woke up clueless as to what my first step should be to get started on my day. On a typical day off in Davis Square I make my way to Starbucks first thing in the AM to grab an iced latte and sit in a big comfy chair by the fire place while partially people watching patrons and passers by outside the window and the other part staring at the shamelessly handsome baristo that kinda flirts with me but I can't tell. He is either REALLY good at his job, Bored, or he would like to ask me out. I am thinking it is none of the above and that I am just reading into things as I always do.

But on this day. Starbucks is NOT an option. Well, at least not MY STARBUCKS. MY STARBUCKS in Davis is closed for renovations. No worries all, I have informed them of my request to add more comfy chairs around the fire place, so all will be well, when peace is finally restored upon Davis.

I figured a Chai from Diesel Cafe would serve as a nice substitute and then a breakfast sandwich from the Broken Yolk around the corner would make for a beautiful morning in addition. I placed my order at Broken Yolk but asked if it could be postponed for 20 as I had an errand to run in the Square. I made my way to the shoe cobbler, Art, to inquire about resoling some shoes. My dress shoes would be too expensive, but my cowboy boots are underway. This time next week I'll be stomping my way across the dance floor all over again.

I picked up my chai and made my way home. I had ordered a Bacon, Egg, Tomato, and Chedder on an everything bagel and it was TO DIE FOR! Nothing like a small homecookin' style breakfast joint to get your senses workin' in the AM. I cozied up at home and decided to finally check out what 500 days of Summer was all about. It was all about love.

If I didn't need a reminder. It was an incredibly movie. Zooey D. played herself, the quirky girl that everybody wants but nobody can have, as she always does, which is starting to get on my nerves. In the end I was glad that he wound up with Autumn instead, she was much more pretty than Zooey fo sho.

I packed up my gym bag. Got in a brisk but effective workout and grabbed lunch from Boston Burger Company. I tried their Chicken panini and went with the hostess' suggestion which was a bad idea. It was messy and un-eatable. I was a much bigger fan of my Garlic Parm fries and their house made bleu cheese was just the perfect compliment for dipping.

A buddy that I had been emailing/texting for a while but never met mentioned that he had no plans for the day. I told him I was procrastinating on putting together this Ikea "Thing" that is used to hold all my clothes and he jumped at the opportunity to help out. With his help I finally finished the project. It has been lasting for almost a month because the instructions insist on having TWO people to put it together, and we have so far agreed to disagree.

But it is done now. It is the first night in 3 weeks that I am going to bed without mounds of clothes across my floor. The only thing left to do is switch my TV stand and desk and my room will be all set. Tomorrow night it will be official, I will be sleeping in my "almost there" room.

Hopefully I will make it a matter of weeks/days to hang my pictures so that I at least get a good 6 months or so of them on the wall before the possibility of moving out from this apartment. I really like it here. The location is nice, I would definitely not be opposed to being closer to the square but at this rate I wouldn't mind being here for another year.

I can't believe that it has been two whole years since I moved here. It feels like it has taken a lifetime to finally live in an area that I enjoyed. I have learned a lot about bigger "city" living as far as being willing to compromise your apartment standards, for location, location, location. I wouldn't venture to say that it is what it is cracked up to be, but for the record, their ain't nothing like Davis Square in Charlotte, North Carolina, thats fo sho.

My hips might not lie, but they are hip to be square.

Davis Square, I love you.

Oh My Gosh

He's makin' eyes at me and I don't mind, at all.

I've been getting back into the Basement Jaxx lately. Mostly when working out at the gym. Their music makes me want to flip my shit and lose it all over again.

Here's my suggestion for a Basement Jaxx playlist, in the following order...

Rendez-Vu

Red Alert (Jaxx Club Edit)

Romeo

Oh My Gosh (Jaxx Club Edit)

Do Your Thing

Where's Your Head At (Radio Edit)

Jus 1 Kiss (Boris Dlugosch and Michi Lange's BMR Digitised Re-Edit)

Get Me Off (Jaxx 2002) Radio Mix

Romeo (Acoustic Version)

Yo-Yo (this is the song that started it all for me...)

What's a Girl Gotta Do? (feat. Paloma Faith)(Newest STUFF!)

This will ensure a great workout...trust.

Now I am off before I look at the clock again and realize that I have been sitting at the computer posting stupid playlists for all of you fat asses waiting for someone to listen and actually download and then work it out at the gym.

Hollaback.

Feverish

I feel funny. I woke up this morning covered in sweat and yet my room was pretty cold compared to what I set the temperature at before heading to bed. I don't know if I have a cold. I did not have a fever. Maybe it means the fever was breaking? Its still a pretty gross feeling.

Yesterday I had the entire day off. I was planning on doing all of this great shit like running errands to get some new jeans altered, getting a shave and a haircut, and making sure I had a great workout at the gym. None of that even happened.

I got a phone call from my Mom at like 8AM but didn't mind since I was already half awake and hadn't spoken with her in a while. We talked for a bit but when our conversation was over I was wide awake and it was only 830 in the morning. I figured I would start the day at the gym and then proceed with everything else. My workout lagged because the gym was empty. I am definitely a people watcher and I become overwhelmingly melancholy when there is nobody else working out worth looking at.

So I did not give it everything I had. Also, I usually try to eat before working out but wanted to get out of the house instead of wasting away the day so I skipped this step leaving me without any kind of energy to exhaust.

Towards the end of my "working out" a guy that I had a date with a couple weeks ago walked in and it was not a good date so I thought, "shit, now I have to figure out how to escape". I waited for him to have an ample amount of "changing time" in the locker room and as I walked towards the locker room to leave I caught a glimpse of him by the free weights and added a pep to my step as to not be seen.

I was lucky to escape the clutches of a very awfully uncomfortable situation.

I went to starbucks afterwards when in actuality I should have drank a bottle of water and had myself a protein shake. Instead I chose an iced latte and their new huevos rancheros whole wheat wrap. It is not the best.

I walked to my barbershop in the freezing cold only to find that it was closed. No note on the door, no signs of life at all. I walked home and realized that in New England you should NEVER assume that you do not need gloves and a hat. This is a realization I make and try to learn every year but for some reason I just cannot get it through my head.

When I got home I spent the rest of the day trying to warm up. I was so cold.

I began to feel feverish and sick but when I took my temperature it was only 99 degrees. What a waste I thought. To feel somewhat feverish but not even really be sick.

So I spent the day laid up in bed. I skipped all of my errands and watched Kathy Griffin's stand up on my computer for the entirety of the afternoon.

I decided to try the yoga class at my new gym that night since I did not wish to waste away the entire day.

Yoga was a bust. The teacher had an accent and sounded just like Celine Dion I could not understand what she was saying, which was not even the worst part about her. The reason I enjoy yoga so much is because you are free to do what feels good. Do the pose if it feels good, don't do it if you can't. Try your hardest but be kind to yourself. Anyway, she was very forceful and controlling and I was not a fan of this teaching method. She commanded people to stop looking into the mirror. She called me out on three different occasions. Once for looking in the mirror (for the record she told the class to make sure that their knees were positioned correctly to not add stress on this or that, so how else was I supposed to verify?), the second time I had raised my left arm up from where it had been sitting on my hip because I was ready to take the full pose; she stated clearly for the entire class "I did not say to lift the left arm up, this is when your mind is not being centered and you are not paying attention to the practice"

She was so annoying. I swear the class only lasted for 30 minutes and it was such a waste.

Then we cut to a full night of sleep waking up to a pool of sweat all over my entire body.

This is weird. Lets move on.

I hope it can only get better from this...