Crazy For You

It has been a while (a little over a month) since I mentioned my crush. I decided to stop talking about him altogether because of what has transpired since I last mentioned him.

In my most recent post about this customer crush of mine I had mentioned being nervous about sending a follow up email. I wanted to find the courage to be a bit more direct if not indirect by sending a shamelessly flirtatious and suggestive email. But I had to do so without sounding overly inappropriate, this is my work email account after all.

He beat me to the chase. Which seems to be the case in most instances where I am stressing about calling or emailing him. He seems to be the one to take the lead. Now keep in mind, the message behind these encounters is clouded. There is a sales exchange of merchandise at hand. He comes with the intent to accomplish a mission. A missing piece of fashion from his wardrobe, and in the meanwhile flirtations between us arise.

He emailed me to let me know that his shoes were not working. The email was one of the gayest emails I have ever read. "I have bad news, I will be bringing someone with me. His name is Ferragamo and we are just not that into one another". I had sold him a pair of shoes that he was originally unsure of and had mentioned the prospect of possibly returning them. When I first read the line I my heart sank. I thought he was bringing his boyfriend with him. That would have just been my luck!

So I replied, "No worries, if Ferragamo is not working out for you then we can find you someone else that you are more compatible with".

Our emails to one another are typically replied within a few minutes. This one took 24 hours and I got "Actually wore the shoes today, so I guess I will keep them". It was awkward and uneasy. It did not make much sense and he did not really seem like the kind of customer that would do this. He was very cautious in everything that we did. All of the fashion choices that we made together he gave much thought and consideration. The ones that were made that had heavy influence on my part he decided to have bagged separately so that he could make his decision before "committing" to the choices by wearing the clothing or shoes. It is something that I kind of like about him, seeing as how my fashion choices, and impulse purchases are always kept because the rush I get from pulling my freshly purchased merchandise out of the shopping bag and ripping the sales tags off BEFORE trying it on again at home is just insane!

I sent him another email back, attempting to prolong flirtation and in order to evoke a response. I wanted to send an "open-ended" email with an inquisitive intent so that I could keep this strain of emails going further. "No problem! Hope that you are enjoying your "Guide to Style" Book that I sold you, Have you found any new fashion tips to challenge me on yet?"

I got no response. I think I pushed it hard and it fell off the counter. I didn't hear back from him for a week. Then I took the promotion to move on to another store. I figured it was best. I thought that this way he could go to my old store in peace and not have to worry about seeing me if I had made him uncomfortable.

Weeks passed by and while standing at the register at my new store I was busying myself by looking at the sales numbers. I had just finished writing out a note to my team when I looked up and saw him standing right in front of me.

I was caught off guard. "Oh, hey, hows it going? I'm over here now". I mean. Obviously, right?

Then he said, "Yeah I know, I asked for you at the other store and they told me that you were working over here, so I wanted to come see you".

Now tell me this...Do you know any straight guys that would follow someone like this? It just doesn't make sense to me. I have had guys that acknowledged their own lack of fashion know-how. I have had the guys that like letting me help dress them from head to toe because they just need the help. But this guy. This guy is different. It is the little things like this that happen that make me question his intent.

I was so thrown off by his guest appearance that I could barely help him at all. He had brought a cardigan to my register and the department that he had got it in is two departments away from mine. He casually asked if he could try it on. It was weird. Did he really need to come find me if all I had to do was let him into a fitting room? Then he asked my help with shoes. I gave suggestions and then turned him over to my buddy in the shoe department.

I felt uneasy. I was uncomfortable. I have tried to push out of my mind the feelings that I have secretly developed for him. After our awkward exchange of emails I tried to forget about him. Now what?

I'm not making any more attempts.

When we were wrapping up our time together I asked if he was still living in the same area. He said that he was. He also mentioned that his office was right beside my new mall and that he typically stops into the store quite often from work. (This is convenient) Then I mentioned that my roommates and I were planning a move to Davis Sq. He said "Oh, I'm pretty close to Davis" He mentioned a circle of streets that he lived near and I said, "That's weird, thats exactly where we are moving"

As it turns out the new apartment that we are moving to is a block away from where he lives. Now I can't help but wonder when and where we will bump into one another if Davis Square becomes my new stomping ground. I can only hope, and I can only dream, right?

Will we see each other jogging in the summertime? Will we both be in line for coffee in the morning? Will he buy me a round at the local hangout? Who's to say when or where it all might happen but lets just bide our sweet little time for now...

You're so close, but still a world away...

Maw Maw

Watching the Hannah Montana movie really made me homesick. Hearing the grandmother call her grand-daughter Darlin' and honey made me miss my Grandma's really badly.

I miss my Grandma Lowe, which was my mom's mom.

I miss how she used to ask "give me some sugar" and she would hold out her cheek and wait for a kiss from me. I miss the time at Christmas when we gave her a VCR (that played VHS - very high tech at the time) and she said "Aww you got me a Mitsu-Bitchy". I miss the Thanksgiving Day when we all were so hungry waiting around for her to show up and my mom called the local J&K Cafeteria on a hunch and sure enough she was there and eating all alone. She made it a point to eat there every Thursday. When my mom asked her why she was there she simply replied "well honey, it's Thursday". This of course was in her later years, when her mind just began to get the very best of her. I miss dancing with her cheek to cheek at my cousin Lisa's wedding.

I miss how she used to tell my mom, when they would eat at the Cupboard (a local country cooking restaurant in Charlotte) that there sure were a lot of babies in the room. This of course was also later in her life. She was right at the border of senility and it was hard to tell when she was having a moment and when she was making a profound statement. My mom questioned her after looking around and said "Mother, there aren't any babies in the room, what are you talking about?" and Maw maw just commented about how all the waitresses would call all of the gentlemen that were dining in for lunch "Baby". She was always quite a lady, my maw-maw. She always had her own way.

I miss how she would take me to Hardee's for a hot dog. I miss how she would never order it plain, as I would request. I miss how she would tell me that you couldn't even taste the onions, and yet I would never ever eat them, not even just one. I miss how she had packets of ketchup stowed away in her drawers because it was free and you could ask for extra. I miss the stale Nilla Wafers in her cookie jar. I miss watching reruns of "Dallas" and "Hee-haw" with her and Paw-Paw while I was curled up on the couch.

I thought about it the other day and I remembered spending lots and lots of time at their house when I was younger. Maw-Maw and Paw Paw would watch me a lot and I really miss the time that I had when I was there. It can be tough being the youngest in a family like mine. You get the best and the worst of worlds to experience. I experienced Paw-paw's stroke, and then later his death from a child's eyes. I never understood his health problems but just thought it was because he was really old. Looking back I remember teaching him how to write again after his stroke. I just thought it was fun that I was able to teach my paw-paw how to write and he was so much older than me. I never knew it was because he had forgotten how to because of brain functioning and that he would not let any adults bother him with lessons but would always listen to me.

I think about things like this and I wonder what it would have been like had they had better health or if they had lived just a bit longer. What would my adult relationship with them entail? Maybe I would bear the blunt of some doctor's visits? Maybe I would be visiting them regularly at the home to make sure that they were still eating.

In my Maw-maw's last days I remember that in the weeks leading up to her time to go I made my last visit to her at the nursing home. I took her a bunch of roses and kissed her on the cheek. She was eating dinner with some of the other ladies from the home and she introduced me to all of them and had the biggest smile upon her face. Looking back I know that the moment didn't mean half as much to me then as it does now, but I am glad that I was able to have the memory. It was the last one that I have of her. When I heard that she was in the hospital I also heard that her health had faded fast. I was told that she had refused to eat and that her memory was shot and she was on the way out. I did not want to see her like this. I wanted to remember the big smile that I had seen when I visited her at the nursing home. I wanted to think of her as that sweet robust woman that is full of joy and full of life. The one that always asked me for "some sugar".

Later on mom told me that the last memory I had with Grandma was one of the only things that she remembered in her last days. It meant a lot to me that of the few memories that she was able to retain that me and my bunch of roses had been one of them.

I miss my grandma quite a lot. But most of all I miss my Maw-maw's sugar.

A Game of Horseshoes...

What else is out there? I haven't even settled in here and already I can't help but think about what my next move will be. Ever since I took this job in Boston and things happened so quickly I have become fascinated with the idea of being able to pick up and move anywhere that you want (I mean as long as we are opening a store there).

What is next on the horizon? I never had considered it until my roommate has made me listen in on her watching CMT in the morning and listening to Rascal Flats while she gets ready in the morning, and then we went and watched the Hannah Montana Movie and that was it. I want to move to Tennessee. We are opening a store in Nashville at the end of next year and the possibility of being able to rope myself a cowboy really excites me!

In the movie Hannah returns home (to Tennessee) and when she walks in to her grandmother's living room in is overflowing with Billy Ray Cyrus and the Rascal Flatts singing and playing the banjo. They are going around the room taking turns singing verses about something stupid like finding a snake in the gutter. I want to imagine that every living room in Tennessee is just this way. At the end of the movie Hannah jumps on the back of a pick up truck to finish out her concert at a local fair. I want to dream that there are concerts performed out of the back of a pick up at all times in Tennessee.

I miss the south so dearly. There is just something about it that is different. A way of life. A thought or two. I miss it all the time. I am fully enjoying my time spent in beantown and I wouldn't trade these Massholes for nothin'. But in the back of my mind I miss the little things like rocking chairs and fresh made sweet tea. The kind that is so fresh that you hear the ice crack as you pour the warm brew over the cubes. I like how the outside of the glass is warm but the drink inside is so cool, calm, and collected. I miss butter. And Ranch Dressing. These are things that are taken for granted in New England. People scoff in disgust at cooks like Paula Dean because of her usage of Mayonnaise and butter, and yet when I see her show I don't realize that there is anything wrong with her style of cooking.

Take me to another place, let me understand your plan...

Only Just Begun

How on earth did I get here? Where did I come from? Where am I going? Sometimes these questions just rise up in my mind. It still amazes me that I made it out of Charlotte, North Carolina. I never had the feeling that I needed to get away but when I look back on it I know that I never would have made it if I had stayed. Its a scary thought. I did it. I left. I started over. I started from scratch. I worked at it. I moved away. I moved on. I grew up. I'm still growing.

Jo and I were in the car this morning and we were admitting to one another that it has been a while since we asked our parents for money. It was a good feeling to admit to one another. We shook our heads and acknowledged that sometimes being an adult means being flat out broke. I guess it is an endless battle, chasing after this dreamlike adulthood. What on earth were we thinking as children? Why did we ever grow up? The class of 1999 from my High School celebrated their Ten Year Reunion last night and it is just weird. That marks the official one year countdown until my own class reunion. It just feels like this is premature. Out of all the things I have learned over the past ten years I can't help feeling like I haven't learned anything at all. I feel as though I am the same person I was 10 years ago but this much I know is certainly not true.

I'm not the same as it used to be, but I am the best me I can be...