I Can't Sleep

It's 5AM.  I woke up at around 3, coughing in a fit.  It felt like it lasted over the span of a few hours but in fact was for 30 min straight.  By the time I finally rolled out of bed to try to do something about my horrendous coughing it was only 3:30.  

I am trying to decide if I have been hit hard by my allergies or if I have had a slight cold.  No body aches or fever so I would think allergies but it has never been a problem like this for me until now.  I remember going through a bit of the same thing last year, but this year it just seems much more awful, and much much worse!

Gay Pride is coming up this weekend in Boston and I am looking forward to it.  Typically all the fun Gay summer stuff seems to fall on weekends that I CANNOT be off from work because of prior engagements.  This weekend it comes exactly ONE WEEK before!  So I am trying to slip through the cracks and get a chance to finally enjoy it.  What saddens me, though, is to think about the idea that the weather will just plain suck.  They are predicting rain starting now and lasting throughout the entire weekend.  Not just light and scattered, but the shitty and depressing kind.

It would be ideal if Gay pride this year would warrant me finding a nice man to be able to cuddle up with on these aforementioned rainy days, yet, alas...I don't think it will happen.  

I am sick of listening to people say "when you least expect it".  I am sick of hearing that I shouldn't have such a shitty attitude about it.  The truth of the matter is this, I have had a MUCH better attitude about it than my friends who have recently found love and yet look at them, and now look at me.

If it wasn't a horrible cough waking me up way too early then it would be the thought of being alone that creeps inside of there every now and then.  

The funny thing about it.  With all the shit you hear people say about "when you least expect it" and "put your career first" and all the other blah blah blahs...I am there.  I am really enjoying my job right now and am excited about the things to come in the near future.  I am working out as best (and as much) as I can and I am happy with myself.  I am happy with the way I look.  More importantly, yet so often forgotten, I am MOST Happy with the person I have become over these last few years.  I am content.  It is a weird thing to think about because I think so many are scared to admit the truth concerning it but yeah, for now, I am content.  I told my buddy Mike that since meeting him and my friend Rich I have just felt less stressful about finding somebody else.  It is a nice feeling to know that you are surrounded by people who care about your well-being and want to hang out with you.

Good friends are much more worth the efforts than the pain and stress that dating brings.  

Hopefully the weather will clear by the weekend.   I am hoping to see clearly, now, when the rain is gone...