Papa Don't Preach

Four years ago I came out to my parents.  It has been a long long long journey but I am really happy where it has arrived.  I flew into Charlotte on Sunday.  My friend John (also gay) and I went down to my parents Beach Condo that night.  

 When I first came out it took my parents a while to even consider letting me and another gay friend go down there.  I am not sure what they thought would happen.  Maybe we would play Diana Ross really loud and hiss at the straight couples while switching our hips as we walked by in our skimpy bathing suits.  Thus far, the only thing in this assumption to ring true has been the skimpy-yet-not as skimpy as could be bathing suits.  It was a big deal that they even SUGGESTED that I bring another friend with me to the beach, as opposed to four years ago when they had to talk it over with the family that we shared the condo with.  

 

I made it a point to make sure on my first visit with my friend Dale to leave a lasting impression.  Dale and I cleaned the condo better than any of the other people that have ever stayed there.  This really impressed my folks.  

 

So John and I went Sunday night.  The plan was that my parents would meet us on Tuesday.  I was 50/50.  Half was nervous that John would speak out of turn (its just in his nature) and that I would regret bringing him.  The other half was anxious and excited for my parents to meet my normal and (for the most part) sane gay friend.  There were only a few things here and there that John mentioned throughout the week that I could have gone without, but in the end I figured I'm 4 years in, what else have I got to loose?

 

I think that it really helped having him there.  We opened doors that would have been left shut otherwise.  When I spoke to John about my uneasiness around my folks he suggested I just ask them.  One day John, my dad, and me were walking along the beach, and John went into the water.  While he was out there I took the opportunity to ask my dad if he was comfortable with everything that had happened that week.  He said that he knew eventually I would bring someone around that I was dating and that he would have to get used to it sooner or later.  This moved me to tears.  It is a very different man than the one I grew up with.  I have watched my parents grow and mature in my lifetime into the best pair of parents anyone could ever have.  I guess that goes hand in hand with my own growth and maturity in becoming their adult son.  

 

I began to cry and told my dad that I was so thankful for the way that he and Mom had treated me since coming out and that I only know what unconditional love is because of the love that they have shown me since I began coming out to them.  He began to tear up and I realized that my emotions were stemming not only from my overwhelming gratefulness of their reactions but also because I had too much Sweet Tea Vodka, so I hit him on the back and told him to man up and we quit our tears together.  We gave two big heartfelt hugs and kept walking.  

 

Throughout the week John told me and my dad that he was jealous of our relationship.  This made my dad feel REALLY good.  I know that he has been through a lot in his life and that he prides himself on being a great father.  I am glad that an outsider was able to recognize and congratulate his efforts because he is a great father.  He has set an amazing example for me at what it takes to be a real man.  In my adult life he has become not only a great father but a great friend.  I was so anxious to see him and my mom when I got into town.  I was almost mad that they were out of town and not there as soon as I got there.  I miss them often.  Even if I don't get a chance to call them as much as they would like.  I think about them all the time and although I wish I would live in the same town as them and have lunches and dinners whenever we wanted together I know that away from home is the place for me to succeed at the moment.

 

                                                        My friends keep telling me to give it up, 

                                                              saying I'm too young I oughta live it up, 

                                                                       what i need right now is some good advice

                                                                                          .....papa don't preach