But in particular. Tonight. I feel like her because I fit into my SKINNY JEANS!!! Just like when Miranda fit into her Skinny "No Excuses" Jeans. I really have a pair of jeans that I have kept for a few months now. Actually. A full year now. A year ago I took them from my floor. I folded them up and put them in a stack at the top of my closet. I put them in a place where I could easily take them and try them on periodically to see if they fit again. And tonight. They did. I mean. I MADE them fit. But I got them buttoned all the way and without feeling like I was on the verge of having a hernia. I took my Evian Spray in a Can and Sprayed them down so that they could stretch out better. Girls, you should try it. It really helped. And it helped so much that I only ripped them a little. You know, in the thigh area, where you would use a sanitary wipe if you had one.
But it felt really good to button them. This summer I could not button them all the way. and Tonight I could definately do that. Sans Evian.
So I put on my jeans.
But this came after.
It came after working a full night shift at work. After impressing customer after customer and wowing them with my know-how. It came after running around the store with my head cut nearly off and trying my hardest to gobble up everything that I could. I did a good job.
As I walked out of the store, keep in mind I walked out early. I walked out and left my employee who encouraged me to leave on my birthday. I walked out with the bottle of wine that my OTHER employee had brought to me. I walked out and made my store manager feel bad for not wishing me happy birthday earlier. I walked out knowing that I had made this the first birthday that I ever felt truly special. I felt so, because If I had been in Charlotte, the city that I was born in, I would know that the people wishing me happy birthday HAD to. I feel like this has been a contributor to why I have never enjoyed a birthday in the past.
But doesn't everybody hate their birthday? It is like a holiday that everybody else wants to celebrate except you. Like New Years or Halloween. A holiday where if you don't act excited you are made to look like an asshole. Except the difference is that if you choose to stay home on this holiday, you look depressed or weird. Its a holiday that you cannot escape.
A holiday in which you depend solely on your friends to make sure that you don't regret. Your friends are supposed to take you out, buy you a drink and make sure you don't remember how you act the next day.
Instead my friend Steve, who I personally invited to my private shopping event at my store met me outside when I LEFT EARLY, and said "I'm really tired, I'll go out if you convince me"
Are you kidding me with this?
I have had total strangers treat me better than this. I get home and I call him. When he answers he sounds like shit and asks again "Do you REALLY want to go out? I'm tired".
Yes Steve. Yes I really want to go out. You have bitched and whined at me all week asking if we are going out to Latino Night at Venu this week after you come to my private shopping event and I have gotten it in my mind that it is what we are doing. Even though I hate to go out during the week. Even though I knew that I would not get out of work until nearly 11:30PM. But I had planned it this way. I had worked my December schedule so that I was off on Thursday and not going in until 2Pm on Friday.
When I hung up the phone I was livid. I hate this word. Livid. But it is the only word that describes the anger I felt towards Steve when I hung up. I got in the shower. Afterwards I paced my room looking for jeans that would not make me feel like the fattest piece of shit on the planet.
When I didn't find those I became more angry. I called him and let him have it.
I told him that it puzzled me that I have known him since I moved here. I have known him for a year. I felt like I had to convince him to celebrate my birthday. I explained to him AGAIN that It was the first birthday that I have ever been away from my family. I explained to him AGAIN that I was just a LITTLE confused at how a person that I have befriended named Rich, that he used to date, who I have only hung out with on THREE occasions has been more thoughtful and caring concerning my birthday and holidays that Steve has been after knowing him all year. I told him that despite any jealousy that he might have regarding my hanging out with Rich that there were no feelings of that sort on my end towards him, and that all joking aside the only reason I would ever bring up to Steve that Rich was so thoughtful was not at all to make him jealous that I was talking to Rich but more so to make him feel guilty for how little he has acknowledged my situation.
Steve was silent.
Are you still awake? I asked him.
He said yes, and that he did not have anything to say back to it.
I asked if he liked to celebrate his own birthday, because I know that when it came he did not want to make an ordeal of it. He said no.
I told him that I have hated celebrating my birthday for as long as I can remember, and that the only person who has made me not want to celebrate it was Steve. Everyone else that is a part of my life here, and every single person that I have contact with from home has made me feel more special on this day than I have ever felt before. Mostly thanks to Facebook, but hey, I will celebrate the wins.
We went out. We squashed the problem. We are good to go cause I put him in his place.
I appreciate all the people in my life dearly. All of those who have made me feel like these 27 years have been lived by no means in vain.
I love you all dearly. And because of this, for my future, I will make No Excuses...
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