I hold loads of contempt for a population that I belong to by default. Being gay sucks dick, with absolutely NO PUN intended! Just because of my orientation I am lumped in this category of men. I didn't choose to join their clan but for some reason I have automatically been inducted into their hall of fame, much to my own personal dismay.
Gays are awful. They are awful hateful people. They are consumed with vanity. They are worse than women! If I wanted to surround myself with the drama of being that self-conscious then I would hang out with my girlfriends more often. It is hard enough as it is.
We go out in the world. We look at the media. We die a little on the inside when we realize we will never look that way. It sucks that it becomes our natural instinct to leap to this assumption. "I am not good enough, this is unachievable". It is your first thoughts and you know it. What we never consider is that the models in the picture are from the greater Ukraine and have not eaten human food since they were 12 years old. They stunted not only their growth in height but also stopped their weight fluctuation from an early age. That is why they have the bodies of a 14 year old girl. (I am speaking of male and female models collectively, as these 14 year old girl bodies).
If this was not bad enough. Every. Single. Gay. Dating. (or Sex). Website. Is LOADED with images of hot fucking men with their clothes off. Lean bodies. Muscle bodies. It is absolutely obnoxious.
Now we base our attraction (something that we have now coined as "chemistry") upon mere physical traits. His chest is too puny, his arms are too small, he does not even have a flat stomach. These become our triggers. We settle for less and compromise personality and actual animalistic chemistry between two mammals by only considering our first physical impressions. Forget the fact that in the bedroom you would be perfect for one another. Forget the fact that you may actually have found the only person in a 50 mile radius that you could actually have a conversation with. Throw this out the window. He wears a 36 waist pant.
If it is not one thing then it becomes another. I have begun to hit on ugly guys, and if you think less of me now then wait. Not only have I sunk so low as to begin to go after the ugly fucks out there but in fact, THEY are turning me down as well! They are ugly in the face. They have small dicks. Their bodies are not what they should be. They feel so inclined as to refuse an opportunity from MOI!?!?
There is a guy that I cannot stop hitting on. The first time he deliberately told me that we were not a match. But why? Doesn't it kill you not to know? So I asked. He never told me. He asked that I just moved on. Now that I have seen him around town I know why. He likes fat old men. LOL. Sorry. I really did just laugh out loud as I wrote it but its true. When I say fat I dont mean big boned. I mean fat. Fat as fuck. The guys that he likes have breasts and should wear bras kind of fat. It is ridiculous. It amazes me because he himself is not. He is pretty fit. Football player build but more towards the muscular and meaty side of it. He is big, black, and beautiful and I cannot get over the fact that he doesn't have the slightest interest in me. He is 28. I am 27. You would think that a black guy that was into those that weren't so lean would be ideal for me. I would love it right? A guy that found me sexy in my current state of being (ie not my all time best impression). But no. He likes fatty fucks.
It makes me feel conceited because I have to convince myself that I am better.
I am better than all of them; the good, the bad, the ugly.
Eventually I will prevail, but for now I will just keep strumming along, to this bitter. sweet. symphony.
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