This year has been awfully long for me, and yet has gone by so fast. In a weeks time I will hit the Anniversary of what started this all, which was one phone call from my new manager. I had no clue that at this time, this year, I would be sitting at my computer in Boston. (Well, Malden but same difference). I remember that at the time I had felt surrounded by many people that loved me. Not only just my family members but also close friends. I had managed to do what had felt impossible for the most part of my life. It was always hard for me to find great friendships. Growing up I seemed to encounter an ongoing dilemma when I would make friends with someone and finally open up to them, they would move away.
So needless to say. It is odd that once I finally had what I would refer to as a plethora of great friendships in Charlotte (that had definitely not come at a small price) I decided to leave all of it behind. I guess, in a way, it was my version of having the upper hand. It was a way for me to start putting myself first for once. I had taken great pride in being an extraordinary friend to those around me. I found joy in making people smile. Putting people in a good mood, and hearing the laughter of my friends and family members that I really and truly cared about.
I told my store manager that I did NOT want to move to Boston. I said that I was not ready for the promotion and that I had things in Charlotte that I was not ready to leave. She chuckled and asked who I was dating (she was wrong). As she usually was about hunches that she had. But in a different instance she had a hunch that I was being silly. She expressed to me that she knew that I was ready for a promotion and to not let this stand in my way. I assured her that it was not my only reason.
Nonetheless. A phone call. A Month's wait. and the answer that my new residence was Massachusetts!
I am happy to be here. When the opportunity came up I realized that I should really consider what it was that I was holding out for. Was I waiting around for friends that were moving elsewhere to move back? Was I waiting on friends that were getting married and starting families? It seemed like all of my friends had things going on in their lives that were booming. The only thing that seemed to make sense was for me to search for my own booming sensation and luckily I found it. Or it found me. Who knows?
So tonight. Is the night before my FIRST Thanksgiving without my family. It seems like all of the other Thanksgivings leading up to this one were foreshadowing what was to come. Slowly family members branched out. Promises were made to In-laws and Thanksgiving was half-full or half-empty, whichever way you choose to look at it.
I remember last year how you work all week and then have this feeling of "Man, do I really have to wake up early on my ONLY day off this week?" Then when you spend that time with your family you eventually reach your threshold and start to give thanks that you have your own place. I remember my Mom, Dad, and Aunt Deborah asking me to stay a little longer last year. But I was tired. I was ready to get back to my apartment. So I apologized. Hugged. Then Left.
This year I can't leave. Cause I'm not there.
So I have decided to fill up my day with all the people that I know up here. In order to cloud my mind. Forget about the fact that I will not get to make Gobble Gobble Turkey noises with my nieces. Forget about the fact that I will not get to help my mom put the finishing touches on the cooking, or remind her to turn the stove off, or for that matter, and knowing my mother, remind her to turn it ON so that the food can actually cook!
I will cloud my mind so that I don't have to think about how my dad manages to follow up every family meal with an arm around my shoulder, a side-hug squeeze, a proud look, and an "I Love you".
Tonight I made Sweet Potato Balls. Its a Paula Dean recipe and I definitely wish that it had a different and more enticing name. I did all the prep work so that tomorrow I can just through them into the oven. I also made a Broccoli Casserole. When I finished and was cleaning up (keep in mind that I was only cleaning up right away because I have a new roommate) I caught myself. I thought "Let me make sure that I turned everything off," then proceeded to touch all of the buttons on the stove and microwave while confirming, "Off, Off, Off, Off, Off!"
My mother always does this. She has done it since I was a little child. It was her little way of making sure that in all the chaos that had clouded her mind for the day that she AT LEAST managed not to burn down the home that she had built for her family. It was an idiosyncrasy that had always conjured a roll of the eye. Not only from me, but Angie and Tommy as well. It didn't matter. Even Dad gave one from time to time, but by no means was it meant for judgement, it was only a subtle expression of our love for her.
Thanks a lot everybody. Including you Mom and Dad. Even if I did turn out just like you.
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