Day Off Payoff

Today was my day off.  Well, yesterday, rather, was my day off.  It was a long day.  It is weird how fast the day goes by when you have money to "waste".  Yesterday I had no money to waste.  I had no money to spend actually.  I was quite lucky that my friend Kelly was kind enough to loan me 10 dollars that I used for 2 bottles of water, a packet of Taco Seasoning, and a Bagel and latte for breakfast.  A little random but it went a long way.

Yes.  Even though I was given a Ten Dollar bill, I still bought expensive ass Fuji Water.  But when it comes down to it, the little things in life go a long way.  I used the Taco seasoning to cook up some ground chicken that I had in the fridge.  This will be food until I leave for Charlotte.  

The weather was absolutely gorgeous outside.  Not to hot, but hot enough to get a little sweaty back from riding around in the car.  You know you like it.

I was banging out to my Justin Timberlake CD...Nothing says Summertime like Sexyback and Summer Love...it is all about the Futuresex/Lovesounds.

I made it to the gym in the afternoon where I did weights and managed to stay on the eliptical for a full 30 minutes afterwards.  I am still currently working out at Bally's but I was waiting for this paycheck to deposit and start at a new gym, LA Fitness.  Bally's is gross, old, disgusting, and it smells like athlete's foot.  So I need a change and this new LA Fitness is literally right beside my apartment.  It will be nice to be less than 5 min from home once i finish my workout.  That will keep me from eating dinner at 9pm every night.

I didn't do much else today besides cook up some chicken and go to the gym.  I did however manage to create link on facebook for my friends in Charlotte to meet me for drinks while I am in town.  It is hard to see everybody when I go home and often times I don't get to see everybody that I would like to.  This makes it easier.  It trips me out to think of how full of myself I am that I would make a "Come see Justin Tucker" Party Invitation and expect people to actually show up.  What trips me out even more is that within one hour of posting 6 people had RSVP'd that they would attend.  

I am having trouble getting to sleep now because I took a nap earlier.  I had spent the day alone so when my roommate walked in I still felt like being alone so I went into my room.  Since the chair at my computer hurts my butt and I am feeling the strain in my eyes from staring at my computer too much I laid in the bed and played games on my ipod touch.  Then I fell asleep.  This was at 7pm.  I got up at 10:30pm and called my friend Kim.  When I logged onto Facebook I found that the "Attending" total for my self-given party was now up to 12 people.  Man, I am the SHIT!  I invited over 50 people to this biker bar/BBQ joint in town.  It is big enough for all of them to show up, and I think it would serve as a great venu for everybody to just hang around for a bit.  

It is a really nice feeling that people miss me.  I miss the shit out of them too.  I now have friends that have moved back to Charlotte that were not there before.  I have friends that now have babies.  It is weird to think about all the people that I grew up with, actually, growing up!

So anyway, now I cannot get to sleep.  I logged on to see if my paycheck had posted yet and it has.  So that will help a little bit.  

Taking a three hour nap two hours before bedtime is never a good idea...

So I Creep

Yeah...Just keep it on the down low...

The people that live in the town where I currently reside CREEP ME OUT!  Every day I long more and more to move into the city.  My heart is set on Cambridge.  I think it will just agree with me.  I had dinner with some buddies in Davis Square Sunday night and it made me angry to realize just how perfect living over there would be.  Young people socializing in the square on a warm(er) spring time night.  People gathered outside the ice cream shop and having coffee while talking about something stupid that they think is intellectual.  Yes.  This is the place for me.  

But in the town I live in.  Creepers Peepers, man.  Seriously.  

That guy that cusses at Panera Bread when he makes my morning sandwich grosses me out.  I can barely ever understand him besides when he says "Fuck" which is a word I am MOST familiar with.  Other than that it seems as though he mostly mumbles but chooses to focus it in my direction leading me to believe that he is attempting to have a conversation with me.  This morning what I picked up was that he told me I was lucky because they were supposed to make the eggs in advanced, but when he went to check on them there were none left.  So instead he made me two eggs.  He kept holding up two fingers.  So I assumed this was what he was getting at, but like I said, I do not really know exactly what he was talking about.  Today he also added "Alright, Justin, Go get 'em"  and although the first time it seemed endearing and almost thoughtful, today it was just a sugar coated farewell.  It was used.  And expired.

Then as I leave Panera I look around in the parking lot at my "neighbors".  The people that live in this town are disgusting.  They are either the most hard up blue collar construction workers you have ever seen, or they are the most overweight Italian women wearing terry sweats and ed hardy t-shirts.  I wouldn't pick either, if given the choice.

But I'm stuck here.  I don't really have the money to move.  So this is where I will stay.  

For now at least.  

The 23rd of loneliness, and we don't talk like we used to do...

Baby Steps

I deleted my Manhunt account.  I also deleted the one I have on Adam4Adam.  Those of you who know me will understand why it was important for me to delete profiles from these sites in order to better myself and move on with my life.  

I have spent way to many hours online looking for the "next best thing".  It is never an overall productive habit and often leads to wasting most of my otherwise constructive time.  Take now, for instance.  Now I am able to write one more blog because when I went to log-in to my Manhunt account I tried three times before realizing that Customer Service had obviously received the email I sent two hours ago and completed my request to delete my account.  

Sometimes I feel guilty when, on a whim I delete the account altogether, but this time I felt good about it.  I checked the account and found that it would expire on this coming Saturday anyway and it would have actually rebilled me $30 (that I don't have) to renew my membership, yeah, I was a subscribed member.

So I am happy with my decision.  No worries on your end though, when I breakdown and create a new profile and a new account to start up my Manhunt addiction once again, you will be one of the first to know...

Disturbia

Tonight at worked I helped a couple.  Man and man.  My parents would be surprised to find that I was helping them look for outfits for their wedding.  Their REAL wedding.  Gay marriage is legal in the state of MA so it isn't out of the ordinary for me to help two grooms dress for their actual real live LEGALLY RECOGNIZED wedding!  

But this couple did not woo me.  So far it has been sweet to see these couples coming into to pick out the outfits they will wear on the day they exchange vows.  My mind never drifts towards disturbing thoughts of infidelity or the like, and yet I am able to focus on how happy this joyous occasion will be when two men are legally bound (despite whatever "arrangement" they decide upon after 3 years in!).  

Tonight's couple was different.  One big fat gay man with a grey goatee, and his young late 20 to early 30-something boy at his side.  The fat gay man with the grey goatee must have been past 50.  The young guy was average, but tall making him seem lanky and thin.  It was odd to see the two together not only because of physical differentials but also because of their vast difference in age.  Dee was the name of the old fat one.  When he approached me it was almost as if he was rolling his eyes on the inside.  I saw them and immediately asked if I could help.  "I guess maybe you can help us," Dee said, casually as he flung his arms up in frustration.  Let the record show, Gays that are planning to wed will ALWAYS treat the rest of the world as if it is still against them, even if the matter at hand has nothing to do with their given situation.  His frustration, I assumed, stemmed from his assumption that "nobody would help us pick out our gay wedding outfits".  These Wed-Gays have a time threshold that is about the size of my attention span.  If you don't hustle your way to greet them immediately then automatically you are against them and their entire cause.

During the entire episode I was on the verge of nausea.  For the most part when couples like this come in I try my hardest to just ignore it.  "Don't think too much, you'll ruin it," I would tell myself.  But in this case it was harder to do so.  Dee was one of your typical Wed-Gays, the kind that feels it necessary to so tactfully yet not tactfully at all reveal all of the juicy details.  If he is not busy explaining their crusade for gay marriage to a straight salesperson then they busy themselves up with the gay ones by trying to prove their love is real.  

Who fucking cares?

You're fat, You're old and you smell like strong soap.  One less of you fuckers in the world trying to grab a piece of my pretty little ass.

In typical salesgirl fashion I asked WHEN their "event" was.  I was trying my best to tiptoe around the subject.  Dee glanced at me, then back at his "blushing bride" and said, "Well...(pause for effect)...we are getting married."

"Oh okay, thats good," I wanted to move away from the subject, it was the first time that gay marriage had actually made me queasy as opposed to giving me hope that romance was not dead yet for a gay dude like me.  Dee kept gushing over his "Jay" and talking about how handsome he was.  

The thing about this couple that frightened me most was that Jay didn't really talk that much.  At first I thought he was foreign, maybe German.  I heard what I thought was an accent but he mumbled the whole time.  As time passed I realized that it was not an accent but more of a childlike mumble from a meek little boy.  This is what began to gross me out.  Jay, although taller than myself and Dee, talked with his head down and in a quiet mumble.  He spoke as if he had just knocked over his grandmother's favorite vase and was about to be punished.  YUCK!

Dee informed me that Jay only enjoyed ONE type of green shirt.  Jay never spoke to me directly, which also gave me the creeps, nor did he make eye contact at any point during the sale.  Dee talked to Jay as if he were his indecisive son that could not pick out which color balloon he wanted to have, and as if wittle jay-jay was scared of the mean ol' saleslady.

Creepy creepy creepy...

Once we convinced Jay to try on a green that would actually work with the color scheme that Dee had picked out for the wedding he held his head low and when Dee asked him if he wanted it or not he mumbled.  The entire time that I was with these two I never understood anything that came out of Jay's mouth.  Once he was in the lighter green shirt I told him that the color worked well for him and was great for the Spring, Dee added, "He looks good in anything he wears, but I guess I am a bit bias," and proceeded to brush Jay's cheek.

I'm throwing up while recalling these events.

Dee smelled of harsh soap and I got a disturbing visual of what sorts of things that he and Jay would do that would make him feel it necessary to use such a strong and pungent cleanser.  I was almost finished when Dee asked if I had a business card.  "Oh Sure! Let me get it," I was so pissed when I thought about this nasty fucker calling me up a few days later and saying something like "I'm not married yet, boy".  

I thought of how I would cuss him out and which vulgar words and slurs I might throw his way.  

What a friggin' soap scum!  YAK

Block Busted!

If my day off for the week happens to fall within a Monday, Tuesday, or Wednesday I have begun to make it a habit to visit Blockbuster on those days.  The reasoning behind this is because one day on a venture to my local Blockbuster, the noteworthy saleswoman, Paula, pointed out to me that if I am frequenting this location that much that I should really invest in their Rewards program.  It is not a credit card but what it entitles me to is a free "Favorites" rental along with my new release rental.  This benefits me because I love to rent television shows on DVD and watch each season all the way through.  Its just a thing I like to do.  So this way I can do that for free and only pay for the new movies that I watch in between.

So I get on board with rewards.  This is in the midst of Blockbuster's "NO MORE LATE FEES" Launch, right?  So they explain to me that there are NO LATE FEES, but that if you have the movies for longer than 7 days then they charge your account to BUY these movies but credit you back when you return them.  This doesn't sound so bad, until it actually happens because when it does they CHARGE you a $2.50 "Re-Stocking" fee.  Whoever came up with this verbeage for their company was a GENIUS!  When you say "Re-stocking" to a customer it initially sounds like such a strenuous task that you should be charged on behalf of making blockbuster do this, right?  But no.  All they are doing to "Re-Stock" is taking the DVD from your hand, placing it on their cart, and then rolling it to the section and taking said DVD from cart to shelf.  They don't even carry the DVD themselves from the counter to the shelf!  

So when you actually think about it.  Why do you need to pay them $2.50 to do this?  In actuality, this is what they do every time you return your rentals ON TIME, so what makes it such a hassle when they are a few days after the fact?  Just because you don't call the CHARGE on the customer's account a FEE, does not make it exempt from being classified as a late fee.  If your DVD's are late, you are CHARGED.  This sounds worse than "fee" anyway.  

What made all this worse for me today was that when I asked her about this she went on to tell me that in a few months there would be fees for every late rental.  When I enquired further she then told me that the company would roll out the program at that time but that she could not talk to me about it now.  I thought, "In that case, why the fuck did you even mention it?"  I found it hilarious when I realized that Blockbuster was the company that ran huge ads in their windows, billboards, and on TV that screamed "NO MORE LATE FEES".  

I guess that didn't pan out the way they had expected.

Breadth of Language

Massachusetts must be the only place in America where the guy making your breakfast sandwich at Panera Bread Company can utilize the word "Fuck" in their everyday jargon used in communication with a customer.  

I went by there this morning to pick up a bagel for breakfast.  I always add tomato to my breakfast sandwich (bacon, egg, and cheese...add tomato).  Since I have been picking this up with my well adjusted remix of their breakfast sandwich delight, the official sandwich maker, Jim has been in awe of my amazing ability to pair such an everyday vegetable such as the tomato with this sandwich.  Almost every single time I am in there he shakes his head in disbelief as he hands me the sandwich across the counter, and says "Now that's the way to have a sandwich."  No.  I don't think he is retarded or handicapped at all.  I think that he is a fully competent human being.  But I do find it odd that he is so taken aback by this little added detail to my order.  

It is funny that with such a simple exchange; me placing my order, waiting for it, and taking it from the hands of Jim, the sandwich maker extraordinaire, you wouldn't think twice about it otherwise.  But Jim.  He is different.  He makes this exchange of actions hold so much more meaning than I ever could.  

Take today for instance.  A special treat for me this week is that I got to have my breakfast sandwich yesterday since I wasn't going into work until 2pm and then ANOTHER ONE today because it is my day off.  So while waiting for it, Jim shouts out my name, shakes his head in usual fashion, but this time looks disappointed in himself.   He admits, "Justin, I really fucked up your sandwich yesterday".  I was a little nervous because I ate the whole thing and didn't think anything was wrong.  I thought he was going to tell me he undercooked the eggs or something.  Instead he admits that he forgot to put the tomato on it.  

I told him I didn't notice because I was so hungry.  Then he reiterated that THIS was the ONLY way to order a "fucking" sandwich.  He went on to say that he not only put tomatoes on my sandwich today but instead put THREE "fucking" tomatoes, NOT just one!  

I thanked Jim for his kindness and consideration in the making of my sandwich and as I bid him a fond farewell, he nodded, saluted and pointed to the door and enthusiastically uttered "Alright Justin, Go Get 'em!"  

It felt good to have someone cheer me on.  

I mean, it is my day off, so I don't have to go GET anything if I don't want to.  But I needed to hear it.  Even if it was the crazy old man that makes sandwiches at Panera, forgets to add tomato, and uses the word fuck so passionately you would think he was talking about a Red Sox loss, or the winter months in Massachusetts.

Who knew?  All this over a bacon, egg, and cheese (Sans Tomato)!

Whatta Mighty Good Man

Today, over brunch, some friends and I were talking.  

We talked about guys, girls, relationships and such.  We exchanged our views and whatnot and we joked about my promiscuous behavior.  It was a joke because I am not as "bad" as I once was.  I have grown up.  I know what I want.  It is just not available.  

One of my friends asked, almost in disbelief, if I would really be ready to settle down right now.  

YES!  YES YES YES!!!  I told him.  If there was a man who would love me for who I was, and care for my well-being, then yes I would spend every weekend, and every night and every other waking moment with him at OUR apartment/home.  I want so badly to find one person that makes me feel as though I don't need anybody else.  

No offense to my friends, you are all really great.  Really.  But seriously.  You guys know me.  I am funny.  I am kind.  I am a special person.  My friends all know how lucky a guy would be to have me, but none of the guys out there seem to know either.  

In my younger years I spent them throwing myself upon guys I found attractive.  I have forgotten how to do this now.  I tried doing it last night and it is more pathetic when you are older and know better, than when you are younger and have just had too much to drink.  When I think about it I cannot believe how much tail and attention I have pulled over the years and how fast that has come to almost a complete stop.  What is strange is that I was a 22, 23, 24 year old that wanted flings with these older men that only wanted to settle down.  Now, I am older and want to settle down, but I have already deleted their numbers from my phone!

That doesn't matter, if they were right for me they would have stuck.  I want to find someone closer to my own age.  To me there is something more sensual about being with someone that is in your own age bracket (or generation for that matter!).  You are both experiencing the world at the same pace.  You both have roughly the same amount of future ahead of you.  There is an opportunity for you to "grow old together" which is essentially what I am hoping to find.

When my buddy asked me in his disbelieving tone, it was not because settling down was something that he, by any means, thought I was or am incapable of doing.  It was because I seem so content with the way I live my life now.  

Not so.  I am really not content.  The only reason I seem content (sometimes) is because I am really trying to focus on the things that I have been told help to take your mind off of searching for THE ONE.  Career first.  Then relationship.  

 I feel like a twenty 1st century modern single woman!

But really.  What I am looking for is a man that I find physically attractive, and you all know my types are varied.  He would be someone that is crazy about me, finds me irresistible and cannot keep his hands off of me and yet all the while cares solely for my well-being and happiness.

Is that too much to friggin' ask?  C'mon people, I am DYING to be ALL SET!