We talked about guys, girls, relationships and such. We exchanged our views and whatnot and we joked about my promiscuous behavior. It was a joke because I am not as "bad" as I once was. I have grown up. I know what I want. It is just not available.
One of my friends asked, almost in disbelief, if I would really be ready to settle down right now.
YES! YES YES YES!!! I told him. If there was a man who would love me for who I was, and care for my well-being, then yes I would spend every weekend, and every night and every other waking moment with him at OUR apartment/home. I want so badly to find one person that makes me feel as though I don't need anybody else.
No offense to my friends, you are all really great. Really. But seriously. You guys know me. I am funny. I am kind. I am a special person. My friends all know how lucky a guy would be to have me, but none of the guys out there seem to know either.
In my younger years I spent them throwing myself upon guys I found attractive. I have forgotten how to do this now. I tried doing it last night and it is more pathetic when you are older and know better, than when you are younger and have just had too much to drink. When I think about it I cannot believe how much tail and attention I have pulled over the years and how fast that has come to almost a complete stop. What is strange is that I was a 22, 23, 24 year old that wanted flings with these older men that only wanted to settle down. Now, I am older and want to settle down, but I have already deleted their numbers from my phone!
That doesn't matter, if they were right for me they would have stuck. I want to find someone closer to my own age. To me there is something more sensual about being with someone that is in your own age bracket (or generation for that matter!). You are both experiencing the world at the same pace. You both have roughly the same amount of future ahead of you. There is an opportunity for you to "grow old together" which is essentially what I am hoping to find.
When my buddy asked me in his disbelieving tone, it was not because settling down was something that he, by any means, thought I was or am incapable of doing. It was because I seem so content with the way I live my life now.
Not so. I am really not content. The only reason I seem content (sometimes) is because I am really trying to focus on the things that I have been told help to take your mind off of searching for THE ONE. Career first. Then relationship.
I feel like a twenty 1st century modern single woman!
But really. What I am looking for is a man that I find physically attractive, and you all know my types are varied. He would be someone that is crazy about me, finds me irresistible and cannot keep his hands off of me and yet all the while cares solely for my well-being and happiness.
Is that too much to friggin' ask? C'mon people, I am DYING to be ALL SET!
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