But this couple did not woo me. So far it has been sweet to see these couples coming into to pick out the outfits they will wear on the day they exchange vows. My mind never drifts towards disturbing thoughts of infidelity or the like, and yet I am able to focus on how happy this joyous occasion will be when two men are legally bound (despite whatever "arrangement" they decide upon after 3 years in!).
Tonight's couple was different. One big fat gay man with a grey goatee, and his young late 20 to early 30-something boy at his side. The fat gay man with the grey goatee must have been past 50. The young guy was average, but tall making him seem lanky and thin. It was odd to see the two together not only because of physical differentials but also because of their vast difference in age. Dee was the name of the old fat one. When he approached me it was almost as if he was rolling his eyes on the inside. I saw them and immediately asked if I could help. "I guess maybe you can help us," Dee said, casually as he flung his arms up in frustration. Let the record show, Gays that are planning to wed will ALWAYS treat the rest of the world as if it is still against them, even if the matter at hand has nothing to do with their given situation. His frustration, I assumed, stemmed from his assumption that "nobody would help us pick out our gay wedding outfits". These Wed-Gays have a time threshold that is about the size of my attention span. If you don't hustle your way to greet them immediately then automatically you are against them and their entire cause.
During the entire episode I was on the verge of nausea. For the most part when couples like this come in I try my hardest to just ignore it. "Don't think too much, you'll ruin it," I would tell myself. But in this case it was harder to do so. Dee was one of your typical Wed-Gays, the kind that feels it necessary to so tactfully yet not tactfully at all reveal all of the juicy details. If he is not busy explaining their crusade for gay marriage to a straight salesperson then they busy themselves up with the gay ones by trying to prove their love is real.
Who fucking cares?
You're fat, You're old and you smell like strong soap. One less of you fuckers in the world trying to grab a piece of my pretty little ass.
In typical salesgirl fashion I asked WHEN their "event" was. I was trying my best to tiptoe around the subject. Dee glanced at me, then back at his "blushing bride" and said, "Well...(pause for effect)...we are getting married."
"Oh okay, thats good," I wanted to move away from the subject, it was the first time that gay marriage had actually made me queasy as opposed to giving me hope that romance was not dead yet for a gay dude like me. Dee kept gushing over his "Jay" and talking about how handsome he was.
The thing about this couple that frightened me most was that Jay didn't really talk that much. At first I thought he was foreign, maybe German. I heard what I thought was an accent but he mumbled the whole time. As time passed I realized that it was not an accent but more of a childlike mumble from a meek little boy. This is what began to gross me out. Jay, although taller than myself and Dee, talked with his head down and in a quiet mumble. He spoke as if he had just knocked over his grandmother's favorite vase and was about to be punished. YUCK!
Dee informed me that Jay only enjoyed ONE type of green shirt. Jay never spoke to me directly, which also gave me the creeps, nor did he make eye contact at any point during the sale. Dee talked to Jay as if he were his indecisive son that could not pick out which color balloon he wanted to have, and as if wittle jay-jay was scared of the mean ol' saleslady.
Creepy creepy creepy...
Once we convinced Jay to try on a green that would actually work with the color scheme that Dee had picked out for the wedding he held his head low and when Dee asked him if he wanted it or not he mumbled. The entire time that I was with these two I never understood anything that came out of Jay's mouth. Once he was in the lighter green shirt I told him that the color worked well for him and was great for the Spring, Dee added, "He looks good in anything he wears, but I guess I am a bit bias," and proceeded to brush Jay's cheek.
I'm throwing up while recalling these events.
Dee smelled of harsh soap and I got a disturbing visual of what sorts of things that he and Jay would do that would make him feel it necessary to use such a strong and pungent cleanser. I was almost finished when Dee asked if I had a business card. "Oh Sure! Let me get it," I was so pissed when I thought about this nasty fucker calling me up a few days later and saying something like "I'm not married yet, boy".
I thought of how I would cuss him out and which vulgar words and slurs I might throw his way.
What a friggin' soap scum! YAK
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