Shut Up and put your Money where your Mouth is...

It would be one thing if I was in Vegas, but I'm not. I am in Boston, MA. New England, EVEN!!! (that's for you, Kel, and SAYH-RAH!). I live in a place where Gay Marriage is LEGAL and yet for some reason, it seems like finding someone to settle down with, or date is even out of the question. There must be some secret hiding place for these settle-ready men. I see couples all the time walking around in the South End, shopping together in Copley Square, holding hands all over the place, just because they are so damn happy that New England just doesn't give a shit about their same sex relationship.

I'm at a really weird place in my life right now. I have joked with friends about "turning in my gay card" at the end of this year but the end of the year is coming fast, and it seems as though there is not much light at the end of this tunnel. So what's next? Women? I know you are laughing to but I mean c'mon? Is this what it boils down to?

I know in some countries, and often times right here in the U.S. There are perfectly good straight women that have decided that they give up (so to speak) and are ready to settle down. Since there are no straight men to fulfill these needs then they are looking to their closest gay Gal-pals to fill this void. What kind of relationship is this, you would think to ask?

A partnership of two adults that have committed to one another to love, care, and honor each other in the hopes of one day sharing that love with a child. Is this the definition of true love? Is this what marriage looks like after all? If after the years go by and you find yourself in a sex-less marriage is it so bad to skip all these years and move into the "Golden Years"?

I look at the gay couples I see. Recently I spotted two gay men with a young boy. By assumption I guessed that the boy was their son. I mean, at least one of their sons. Two "dads". One in plain clothes, unrecognizable to the untrained eye. And the other was in full Rainbow brigade garb donning a tight muscle tee baring arms and midriff, with low-cut (problem women's) jeans. He had that "I took too much Hydroxcut this summer" emaciated look about him. Typical gay. I thought about what it must be like to be this young boy looking up from his root beer. Oh, and that was another problem. These fags had this boy sitting with them at the bar. They had beers, he had a root beer. NO GOOD - Says Suzy Social Worker!

It was disheartening to think that a gay couple was not only given rights to be married but also rights to have children, and this is what they were doing to raise this child. What a nightmare! Was this the new frontier for gay child rearing? Teaching children all the motions of how to be a gay man?

I saw another gay father on a different night (yet, at the same restaurant come to think of it,) with his son. This father looked emaciated but not from too much Hydroxcut. He looked sick. And not with the common cold. It was weird to think of a kids perspective of growing up with a father that was living with HIV. Would you watch him fade away? Is it fair that you did not ask to become his caretaker in your adult life, but it would be what you were destined to become?

I am ready to find a man of my own. My timeline keeps ticking and I was hoping for us to have this relationship gig down pat before moving on to childhood. Yet, IN MY HEAD, I had always thought of starting the adoption process when I was 30. I heard it took a few years and that is the time frame I had come up with. Who knew that I would be on the verge of turning 28 and not have accomplished anything that I had hoped for, even though in retrospect I never knew what all I had envisioned being accomplished at this point in my life.

It is funny to think of how time flies. Where on earth did the time go?

Well, that's what you get for waking up in Vegas