On our THIRD and FINAL night we were in P-Town! How do I describe P-town to you?
Some day, you'll see my point of view...
I can't. It is like a small foreign country. Vacation spot. The most Gay-friendly place I have ever been. Peaceful. Cute. Quaint. Fun. Crazy. Quiet. Loud. It is everything. There are rainbow colored streamers hanging in the street. It is like a smaller scale Key West, with crazy local hippie type natives that don't care about anything. It ALMOST reminds me of Boone, North Carolina, except instead of calling it a dry county I would definitely say it is SOAKING WET. Drinks all over the place. People in a good mood. Ready to have a good time.
I've got the moves baby, you've got the motion...
We took the early ferry boat ride. Curtis also had the hookup on this also which would have otherwise been an $80 ticket! The boat ride to the cape was godawful! Everyone on our boat was nauseous and there were 6 foot swells (I was told). I was fine for about the first hour or so of the trip but towards the end I had to tell Mike to stop talking to me and let me concentrate on NOT throwing up all over the place. The lady to my left filled up most of a barf bag, and the guy on the other side of Mike filled TWO barf bags. Every ten minutes the boat staff would make a lap to distribute bags and for the majority of the journey I had to stare at this German guy making faces as if he was going to throw up on me and he was teetering back and forth which was also not making it any easier on my stomach.
When we finally reached land all was well. We made our way to our hotel "The Boat Slip". There is a huge deck and pool at the hotel. It was perfect. We didn't have to pay to lay out and this was the number one spot that everybody went to hang out during the day. We spent the entire day by the pool. We met this dude named Richard that we wound up running into through our time there and Mike and I actually had breakfast with him on Monday morning. Hopefully he will join our brunch group now that we are back in the city but we will see.
At around 3 o clock the deck begins to clear out. The chairs are put away and tables and extra bars are brought out onto the open space. They are preparing for the late afternoon Tea Dance. Please don't ask me what a Tea Dance is or why it is called that. I honestly don't know but it is just a reason to drink and party earlier on Sunday or in the afternoon from what I have gathered. It is just one more thing that the Gay people have in order to differentiate themselves from straight society (as if we needed any more!). Right as the Tea Dance was about to begin we wandered up the main street to Curtis' friends place that was also in P-town from Atlanta. Randy, Doug, and Kevin were staying at a house up the street and we went there to help them "get rid of" all the liquor that they had brought for the weekend. Mike and I put away a big portion of it, and I was a bit surprised seeing as how Mike doesn't usually drink that much. I was almost scared to think of what kind of night we were about to have because the drinks that Randy made for Mike were described as "You can't even taste the liquor" which you know is always a BIG RED FLAG!
Little did I know that I was planning on showing everybody later in the night why I typically don't drink that much.
The tea dance was dumb and the drinks were way overpriced. No one talked to one another (in typical New England fashion) and we left and went back to our hotel room to regroup.
First the boys decided we should check out the "A-house", which I decided to deem the "A-Hole"
NOBODY WAS THERE YET!
It Doesn't Matter if you win or lose...
We left and made our way up a giant hill to another bar that was a little bit more fun and a little bit more crowded but that is mainly because they had a wrap around porch and the night time air was quite refreshing to the skin. I sat on a stool having a conversation with Curtis on the porch when I saw this handsome Latin man walking forward. I stopped him and introduced myself. We spoke about where we were from, our interests, and such. Then I said that we should exchange numbers and meet sometime in Boston since he said he travels there often from NYC. He said he would be right back and I had assumed that meant "I AM NOT INTERESTED" but much to my surprise, he actually came RIGHT BACK! We exchanged numbers, laughed and smiled, and went on about our nights.
Later in the bar area I met Fred. At the time I could not hear very well. If you have met me you know that I am almost hard of hearing and yet I still listen to my music entirely too loud. You would also know that the more I drink, the less I tend to hear. So Fred attempted to tell me his name over and over again and when I went to put it in my phone I typed in "Free Big". I know some of you would gather sexual innuendo from this Freudian slip, but trust me, there is none. My phone is the Blackberry Storm and it is awful with the auto correct and lord knows what it will type in if I am not fully coherent.
When we left this no-name bar to my recollection, we walked ALL THE WAY DOWN THE BIG HUGE HILL. As I kept looking back I realized that we had lost the bulk of our group and I kept asking Curtis where everyone had gone. "They are right behind us," he told me. We made our way back to the "A-hole" and at this point it was BUMPIN'! It was very crowded inside and they were playing music from the 70's and 80's. No remixes. Just music. I heard "Causing a Commotion" which is one of my all-time favorite Madonna songs, then they went on to play "Hot Stuff" by Donna Summer and "How will I know" by Whitney Houston. I was in HEAVEN! I spent the better part of my night dancing to the music of decades gone by when "Free Big" began texting me to no end. He said that he wanted to hang out, and I figured that in 10 minutes I would be A.D.D. enough from the 80's hits and ready to bounce up out of Club A-Hole. We walked around town and he bought me a bottle of water. We made our way back to my hotel but I told him that my friends would be home shortly and not to expect anything other wise.
Much to my relief, Lil'Mikey came walking in right before anything was about to transpire and I attempted to ditch "Free Big" and hang out with Lil'Mikey. We invited him to go get pizza and he said that he was not hungry and would take a pass. Just to bring you up to speed, there is ONE and ONLY ONE place to get pizza in P-town after 1AM. So on our way to the place we saw "Free Big" walking with a slice of his own. "I thought you weren't hungry?" I asked and he laughed and said it actually sounded good. What a flake!
You won't admit it but you know it's true...
P-town was an absolute riot! The best part about it was hanging out with Curtis and Mike. The best of the best. After we got split up Mike told me the next morning that the guy that he was with (and I will leave the name out for his own benefit) had an "interesting" experience. The guy must have been pushing 60. He was a part of our original group in the beginning of the night. Mike let us know that he confessed that he was married, to a woman of 30 plus years. He had snuck away on a P-town getaway and this confirmed for me that being gay is just awful for some. The best part about this guy was that they had broken away from the group because Mike was hungry and wanted his pizza early. They sat at the shop and had a slice then the older guy excused himself to the "little boys room" to use the bathroom. When he returned they left and began walking down the street. Mike said that they were side by side and out of nowhere the guy turned to Mike and said, "Mike, I think I am going to piss myself,"
"I'm sorry, what did you say?" Mike asked in confusion. He was not just confused that a grown man was admitting to this but the bigger dilemma was that he had JUST BEEN to the "little boys room". Mike was dumbfounded by this confession, and as he turned to face the other guy he saw as the pee-stain began to form around his crotch, leading down the length of his leg and out through the bottom of his jeans. Mike watched, perplexed, as a puddle of urine began to form around the foot of this older gentleman. No words were exchanged and Mike began to start walking again, without knowing exactly what to do. He realized that the guy was still walking with him and turned and suggested, "Are you uncomfortable? Maybe you might want to go home and change?"
"Oh...yeah," the guy responded, "I guess you are right," and began to make his way home.
When Mike told me his story I could not stop laughing my ass off. There is no other person that something so crazy as this would have happened to, and I could just picture Mike's look of confusion as this situation began to escalate even further.
We joked about it all morning. I remembered my nephew calling my dad Pee-Paw, because he had to use the bathroom all the time, (even though he never had a problem making it to the toilet), and we deemed this older gentleman "Piss-Paw".
Since getting back to the daily grind I have been caught in the midst of a culture shock. On Tuesday I began at my new store in my new position and could not get the thoughts of that crazy night in P-town out of my little head. I longed to leave work and head back. It is a place that you will never want to leave.
I hope you find what you're looking for...make up your mind, and get in to the groove...
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