Brass in Pocket

It's time to use my side-step and make you notice. I have this nagging fear of missing out. I fear missing out on great things that could be but would never happen unless someone takes this life by the balls and gives one big tug. I am scared of missing out on knowing what would have happened and this fear eats away at my thoughts unless I act. In lieu of this. I act out a lot. If you know me you understand what I am talking about. I take chances. I put myself out there. I live life loud, proud, and usually in the middle of a crowd.

In the last few months/years or whatever I have really tamed myself down. I guess because no matter how happy or sad we are we are always seeking ways to do things differently. We are always trying to see if maybe we act a certain way or just change one or two things that maybe this will be what brings about the changes we have been longing and hoping for in order to be fulfilled completely.

Most of the time these slight changes are unnecessary and miniscule compared to how much more happy we are with ourselves when we continue to be the person that has always made us so happy.

This morning a very handsome young gentleman caught my eye when I took my seat at Starbucks. I had to do a double take because he was attractive, and yet he was the one that seemed to be entranced by me. He held his gaze a few minutes longer than necessary and it became very apparent by way of slight smirks and quick glances away when caught staring that he was certainly interested in what I had to offer. I couldn't stop looking at him. I was trying to prove to myself that maybe he was not really that attractive. Maybe he was like secretly fat. You know. When a guy is sitting down and you can't tell then he stands up and it all falls out of the sides of his sweater. Nothing against a fatty but I am not a big fan of surprises. I was trying to watch to see if maybe he had an annoying laugh; maybe an uncontrollable lip spasm; or gross teeth. He turned out to be twice as cute when he laughed, and his smile could be deemed with that of Colgate esteem.

I kept thinking that I might grow a set and intro-seduce myself on the way out. Shake hands. Smile too much. Exchange numbers. By the time I had mustered up this effort a girl had come to join. It turned out to be my favorite Barista. She always makes extra efforts to take care of me. For instance just this morning she added an extra shot of espresso without charging me. We joked about it. Worst case scenario she is my backup plan.

You know I have been on Craigslist "Missed Connections" all day trying to act like any normal guy that I would be willing to date would actually post on there. It is probably best that he doesn't and that we find each other in other ways possible. I keep hoping that I bump into him at the gym later on today and that Davis turns out to be as small as I am hoping that it can be.

While staring flirtatiously back and forth at one another I reminisced about all the times I have put myself forward and made the first move. I'm tired of it. It gets exhausting and I feel like I get perceived as being too forward and too anxious. All the while I feel like if there is no result of an hour and a half of glances exchanged then it was a wasted effort.

Its time for me to get back to the basics of what made me who I am today. No more pussyfooting around the matter. Twenty-ten is the year of living out loud. Watch out world here comes Mr. Loud, Proud and Middle of the Crowd. Call me Mr. Flintstone cause I can make your bed rock.