An Invitation to the Dance of Life

It's over. At least. For now anyways. I won't be seeing him any time soon unless I ante up and make my move. For a while I had him going. There were alterations to be picked up, a missed shirt size that we had to order and so on. But now we are done. No more orders. No more alterations. Done. Finished. Completed.

In our conclusion there was a slight awkwardness on his behalf. I finished ringing up the transaction and walked his bag around the corner as usual. Then upon concluding I mentioned, "You are all set now..." it seemed as though this was not good enough for him. Maybe there was a step that I had forgotten? It was as if he wanted to say more to me but just didn't have the courage or know-how. He stumbled over words and said "...Yeah, Um, Okay..." PAUSE "Well..."

"Was there something else you needed to take care of today?" I asked my crush. But he hesitated, and then declined. An overwhelming sense of dissappointment rushed over me. This cannot be it I began to think to myself. Is it really over? At least for now? I hate that I lose track of words, and often lose sight of my goal towards flirtation. I am nervous around him because of the emmense potential for a brighter future that I can invision along side him.

He is not devistatingly handsome but he is very, very attractive. He is kind, and he is endearing. It is awfully hard not to fawn over someone like him. He has an innocence about him. An almost closeted innocence. A close friend of mine even noted that I could possibly be his very first. This, of course, is something I would have never wanted in the past. But it does lend itself to an easy out from the wonders and perils of that which is the gay culture. If he has not been fully exposed then it would make for an easy escape on my behalf.

I keep procrastinating when it comes to sending "the follow-up email". I am nervous that I will say too much, and scared that I might say too little. I need to sound completely professional, while sending a completely tongue-in-cheek flirtatious undercurrent. In most work environments, this would be known as sexual harrassment. So therefore presents itself as a total conundrum. I am dumbfounded. What now? I keep thinking that I could mention something about enjoying how he challenges my fashion know-how. I could let him know that he is more than welcome to challenge me again. Then it falls flat. Where does that lead the email?

I asked a friend of mine, this guy I dated briefly here, but turned out to be just friends. He said that I need to switch the arena. So far he feels like he has to shop and spend in order to spend time with me. This friend suggested that I must take this notion out of the equation but how so? It would be too straight forward of me to invite him to brunch. At least not through any email. I could lose my job if I am the one to call him. Yet how can I give him the green light to call me?

I went out to the club this past weekend and he was all that I could think about. You know, the honest truth of the matter might even be that it is just the idea of him. It is the fantasy that I have created around him that I long for. I am tired of this culture. I am fed up with the gays.

I watched a TV show tonight where this VERY attractive man, early thirties, or so, (and driving a Mercedes SUV) decided to get reconstructive hair surgery in order to start dating once again. I thought, how pathetic is this guy? He is attractive. From the looks of his car has a stable job and income. Yet he wants it all. Maybe he is too picky. That is just dumb. He is someone that I would go on a date with and wouldn't give his missing hair folicles a second thought. So what is it that makes him feel the need to go through these hoops to physically attract a male counterpart. It nearly brought me to tears to think of a world that makes this our solution.

Its unfortunate that we all must go parading around in such absurd fashion. But for now, just come here, let me whisper in your ear...