Somebody to Love

Don't you want somebody to love? We all do. For the most part. I am starting to think maybe I am not capable of pursuing this. It is a possibility. I dated this guy for "a while" three weeks or so. Yeah, I know that is not a long time but it REALLY does not take me long to a) lose my attention and/or b) realize that nothing will come of it. This is a curse/gift that I have had since i first started dating.

I call it the "One Month Itch" because typically this is how long most if not all of the guys I have ever dated have lasted. This is what I refer to as a "long-term relationship" otherwise known to the gay community by website standard as an "LTR".

This last guy was a bit different. Things got kind of intense, kind of fast, because of very serious topics that were discussed in the preliminary stages of the getting-to-know-you process. I had very strong feelings for him but as many of my closest friends know I tend to let my mind wander and I think WAY too much about the what ever will bes, will bes and include all of the mights and maybes. It is dumb.

I picture these guys in the snapshots of my future. What do our Sunday mornings look like? What will we do on Christmas day? What will he look like when he shakes hands with my father? Will he take good care of my mother as if she were his own? What would he look like if he was holding one of my precious and adorable nieces?

Like I said, I give it way too much thought.

So I am over it.

I think that most people out there don't really think before they leap when it comes to the dating game. They just fly by the seat of their pants. Or. In most gay cases by the front of their pants. Either way. I am not that kind.

I talk to my friends. I talk to strangers. I meet people here and there and I realize. That we all just want somebody (something) to love. It is interesting to me to know people in real life and then you come across their dating profiles. You get to see their inner workings and whatnots and realize that they aren't so coldhearted and bitter afterall. The most handsome of men are still struggling to prove to the singles world that they are a catch. One guy I know has a headline that reads "NICE SEXY GUY HERE did I mention FUNNY?" That is the title of his profile. I find it interesting that he lowercased the words in between the materialistic description and that of the characteristic one. Its like he subconsciously separated the two in an attempt to make sure that people got the important parts of it "NICE SEXY" and "FUNNY".

As it turns out we are all just a bunch of pathetic losers sitting at home all alone on a Friday or Saturday night. We wish we had someone that would make us feel slightly guilty for eating an entire pizza or feel greedy for woofing down half (or a whole) carton of ice cream. Who knows if I will ever find someone with the stamina to keep my mind guessing what is next to come and make me want to wait long enough just to find out.

This most recent guy made me realize that I AM quite happy being on my own and if that is the consequence to being with someone that makes me feel less than my most best then I will take it.

Can anybody find me somebody to love?